Category: Humor

Stupid gun nut trick of the day — shoot yourself while you’re on the crapper!

cops at westbrook elementary

A teacher in the…state of Utah who was legally carrying a gun in her primary school accidentally shot herself in the leg…The incident happened in a staff toilet before classes started and no children were in the building…

The unidentified woman was seriously injured but was in a good condition in hospital by the afternoon.

Utah is among a number of states that allow people with permits to carry concealed weapons into primary schools.

A larger number of states leave it up to individual school districts to prohibit firearms on school campuses or allow only teachers and other school staff to carry guns.

Utah also prohibits school officials from asking teachers if they are carrying a firearm.

In Taylorsville, Utah, on Thursday, school district spokesman Ben Horsley told the Associated Press news agency the district required teachers who carry guns at school to keep the weapons with them at all time, including in the toilet…

Crisis counsellors were available and a substitute teacher was brought in to supervise the wounded teacher’s class, he added.

The school pays for the crisis counsellor. You have to get your own counsellor for stupid.

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Dumb crook of the day


Deputies with the Sarasota County, Fla., Sheriff’s Office got quite a surprise on Tuesday.

According to investigators, a woman cleaning a home found an alleged burglar sleeping on a bed in the house he was robbing. With a bag of stolen jewelry on the bed next to him.

They also said 29-year-old Dion Davis did not even wake up when they were taking pictures of him, passed out on the bed.

Arrest records show Davis is still in jail on a $10,000 bond.

Har. Dian Dumbass!

Grandma’s giant quilted penises on display at University of Missouri

Holly Stewart
Click to watch video

A grandmother whose time working at a sex toy factory inspired her to quilt “giant penises” is displaying her work at the University of Missouri-Kansas City.

Holly Stewart, whose gallery show was partially funded by a Kickstarter campaign, said the pieces on display in her “Holly Polyester: Local Grandmother Quilts Giant Penises” gallery show combine her love of crafting with her fascination with the subject matter.

“I just wanted to apply the things that I do — the crafts, the techniques, and combine it with the thing that I think about, and be honest…” Stewart told the University News student newspaper.

Stewart said her art was inspired in part by her time as a worker in a sex toy factory.

“I worked for a dildo factory in California and the company I worked for was one of the top dildo makers in the world,” she said. “I admired the woman that I worked for and I thought, ‘Well, I’m not making dildos, but I can make important work that’s sexually related and sex positive.'”

The gallery show includes Stewart’s giant quilted penises as well as smaller phallic works such as beaded Styrofoam penises and stuffed penises made from various colorful fabrics.

I have a neighbor who is a syndicated columnist writing about crafting and collecting. I wonder if she’s reviewed this show, yet.

Conservative Nutball says Obama establishing terrorist base in New Mexico

MikeGroves-Organ Mountains
Click to enlargeMike Groves

Conservative commentator Erik Rush unspooled a wild conspiracy theory in his latest World Net Daily column, which describes his belief that President Barack Obama plans to turn over land in New Mexico to Islamist militants…

“As uncomfortable for them as it may be, (government officials) must come to grips with the fact that Obama is a well-placed saboteur representing malignant interests, enemies both foreign and domestic, that have been strategizing the downfall of the United States for decades,” wrote Rush, who appears regularly on Sean Hannity’s Fox News program.

While some Obama critics feared the president’s designation of New Mexico’s Organ Mountains-Desert Peak would weaken border security, Rush worried the area might be handed over to ISIS as a staging ground for domestic attacks…

Rush, who has previously suggested Obama is gay and recently claimed LGBT people shared the same goals as ISIS, outlined a nightmare scenario he believed Obama was cooking up with his Islamist allies…

He warned Obama would seize “absolute power” by imposing martial law after orchestrating terrorist attacks in the U.S. or possibly by using his “jihadist army” to pacify unsuspecting Americans.

Click the link and RTFA if you feel the need to soil your brain with this dreck. Or you can watch for Rush’s regular appearance on Fox News with that omniscient judge of political noise – Sean Hannity.

BTW, the Organ Mountains are a desert garden. If you want to hike and explore, carry as much water as possible, bring cool weather gear if you plan on overnighting. It is truly beautiful country that deserves wilderness status and protection.

Thanks, Mike

He ate 43½ socks — Silly dog!

Teaching his buddy how to be just as silly

The 3-year-old Great Dane was miserable and retching when its owners rushed him to a northwest Portland emergency animal hospital.

It was something he ate!

X-rays showed a stomach full of “a large quantity of foreign material.” Nearly two hours of surgery later, Dr. Ashley Magee had the answer – the dog had consumed 43 ½ socks.

DoveLewis Emergency Animal Hospital spokeswoman Shawna Harch said it’s perhaps the strangest case in the hospital’s history…

So strange that the hospital entered last February’s tale, complete with X-rays, in an annual contest sponsored by the vet magazine, Veterinary Practice News, and won a prize. Fittingly enough, the contest is called “They Ate WHAT?”

The DoveLewis entry summary says the Great Dane was discharged home a day after surgery. Harch says the owners aren’t available for comment but she confirms the dog is alive. No word on what he’s eaten lately.

People think dogs are carnivores. They are omnivores who prefer meat. Ours likes carrots as well as meat.

Thanks, Mike

What were they thinking?

Malaysia Airlines has provoked a storm of controversy by asking customers to list the things they would most like to do before they die.

The airline, which lost two planes this year in disasters that claimed 537 lives, committed the marketing gaffe when it launched a “My Ultimate Bucket List” campaign on Monday.

But with the world still reeling from the twin catastrophes of the MH370 and MH17 crashes, social media users swifly began mocking the marketing ploy.

The campaign called on Australian and New Zealand residents to write their own bucket list and enter it into a competition to win flights to Malaysia and iPads but the competition appears to have since been withdrawn…

The aftermath of the twin crashes has reportedly crippled the company financially, with plummeting share prices, near-empty flights and the axing of 6,000 jobs fuelling speculation that the company is contemplating filing for bankruptcy.

So, they hire a PR firm staffed with idiots. Unbelievable.

Thanks, Mike

Phony license plate fools no one

Phony license plate

A Massachusetts state trooper noticed something a little odd about the license plate she spotted on a car on Interstate 391 in Chicopee.

Upon closer inspection, there was a lot odd about it.

The “license plate” on the car pulled over at about 7:30 a.m. Tuesday was actually just a piece of cardboard. In a poor attempt to replicate a real Massachusetts license plate, the letters and numbers were crudely drawn with a red marker.

The word “Massachusetts” and the phrase “The Spirit of America” were written in the appropriate places in blue pen.

The 20-year-old woman driving the vehicle was charged with driving with a suspended license and attaching false plates.

Guilty as charged. Not her. Yet.

But, my best friend converted an old license plate into the new number registered with his car – after the original plate was stolen. Coppers didn’t like his bodywork technique at all.

Pic of the Day

Click to enlargeAP Photo/Alberto Saiz

A man lays in a puddle of squashed tomatoes, during the annual “tomatina” tomato fight fiesta in the village of Bunol, 50 kilometers outside Valencia, Spain…

The streets of an eastern Spanish town are awash with red pulp as thousands of people pelt each other with tomatoes in the annual “Tomatina” battle that has become a major tourist attraction. At the annual fiesta in Bunol on Wednesday, trucks dumped 125 tons of ripe tomatoes for some 22,000 participants, many from abroad to throw during the hour-long morning festivities.

Phew! First look seemed like an outtake from the evening war news.