Category: Humor

SuperHero of the day

Meet “Buddie” – who consumes only the best buds

Metropolis has Superman, Gotham City has Batman, and now Ohio has a superhero of its very own. However, some critics wish it were somebody else — anybody else.

Meet Buddie, the caped crusader enlisted by ResponsibleOhio to aid in the fight to legalize marijuana in the Buckeye State. You’ll recognize him by his green-and-white costume, marijuana leaf-like gloves, washboard abs, half-closed eyes and blinding smile. Oh, and by the enormous marijuana bud that serves as his head.

He’ll probably never volunteer for anyone’s army. Unless Uncle Sugar is planning on invading somewhere with a long green growing season.

Why does the NSA hate this Indonesian crayfish?

Cherax snowden

Crayfish experts in Europe have no need for field research. They simply let new species come to them, delivered by the pet trade.

For the second time in recent months, researchers in Europe have announced the discovery of a new freshwater crayfish species after analyzing specimens secured through the global decorative fish market.

Perhaps as a way to draw attention to their findings and infuse science with politics, a team of German scientists, led by independent researcher Christian Lukhaup, have dubbed the new species Cherax snowden in honor of controversial NSA leaker Edward Snowden.

In the new paper describing the green and orange species — published in the journal ZooKeys — the authors describe the crayfish’s name as an homage to an “American freedom fighter” characterized by his “achievements in defence of justice, and freedom.”

Politics aside, the new species is impressive. It’s easy to see why aquarium owners would want to accent their collections with such a brightly colored creature.

Researchers say collectors in the pet trade have likely been harvesting the Indonesian crayfish for decades, transporting it across the globe without knowledge of its distinct classification — likely mistaking it for a close relative.

The unfortunate result of unregulated harvesting for decorative pet sales is that the Snowden crayfish – like its close cousin the Cherax pulcher – is in danger of disappearing. Something the NSA would certainly wish upon its namesake.

Fool wearing anti-government t-shirt thanks firefighters for saving his home

On the streets I come from the word “fool” has a specific social and political meaning. Fits this dude just fine.

Click to enlargeAP Photo/Elaine Thompson

Massive forest fires continue to threaten homes and lives across the Pacific Northwest, and on Saturday the AP reported on emergency response efforts in central and eastern Washington state. Accompanying the story was the photo above, in which an Okanogan, Washington man named Brad Craig thanks firefighters for saving his home. It’s a nice moment, though if you look closely you’ll notice that Craig happened to be wearing a t-shirt that given the circumstances is quite ironic:

The shirt says “Lower Taxes + Less Government = More Freedom.”…Sold by the FreedomWorks Tea Party organization.

In a related matter, 10 different government organizations are mentioned in the AP story about the large-scale coordinated response that worked to Craig’s benefit.

More than 1,000 people are involved in fighting fires in the Okanogan area, the AP says.

…FreedomWorks has, however, opposed funding for federal disaster relief funding of the sort that Washington state has requested and received from FEMA to fight ongoing fires in the Okanogan area. FEMA also paid for more than $2 million in fire-related infrastructure repairs in Okanogan County in 2014.

Fools who have no comprehension of how republican government works blather anti-government silliness in their sleep. They think the word has a capital “R”. Ignoranuses of the highest degree, they’re stuck into questions resolved centuries ago by economists, social scientists, students of governmental forms and, yes, even conservatives who think with their brains instead of their twitchy gonads.

We are a species that continues to require traffic lights, speed limits, police and fire departments. We need federal and state agencies to oversee the construction and maintenance of infrastructure. On the ever-diminishing instances our homeland is threatened we need a standing military – though our devotion to the military-industrial complex is overdone by about 999%. None of this matters to Know-Nothings. And their opinions would be equally meaningless if it weren’t for butt-kissing politicians who rely on their religious devotion as thoroughly as their dependence on corporate wealth.

Welcome to Dismaland — Banksy’s dystopian theme park

Inside the walls of a derelict seaside swimming resort in Weston-super-Mare, UK, mysterious construction over the last month—including a dingy looking Disney-like castle and a gargantuan rainbow-colored pinwheel tangled in plastic—suggested something big was afoot. Suspicion and anticipation surrounding the unusual activity attributed to fabled artist and provocateur Banksy has reached a Willy Wonka-esque fervor. Well, if Banksy’s your bag, continue fervoring

The spectacle has since been revealed to be a pop-up art exhibition in the form of an apocalyptic theme park titled Dismaland – “The UK’s most disappointing new visitor attraction” – that will be open to the public for five weeks.

Hardly a better reason to book travel to the UK under – way under – a Conservative government.

More photos inside the article

Thanks, Honeyman

Parrot detained by coppers over obscene language

Police in India said a parrot detained on allegations of shouting obscenities at an elderly woman refused to utter a single word for officers.

Chandrapur district police said the parrot, Hariyal, was detained at the police station in Rajura, Maharashtra, after Janabai Sakharkar, 85, told investigators the parrot would shout obscene words and phrases at her whenever she would pass by the home of its owner, her stepson.

Sakharkar told police she believes her stepson, Suresh, trained the parrot to shout obscenities at her because of an ongoing land dispute between the family members.

Police said the parrot did not speak in front of officers, even when confronted by Sakharkar…

Police said they decided not to return Hariyal to his owner and instead put the bird in the care of forest department officials for rehabilitation.

You have the right to remain silent…

Drunken low-speed chase + stolen backhoe = 18 months in jail

Getaway vehicle

An Alberta man has been sentenced to 18 months in jail after leading police on a drunken low-speed chase on a stolen backhoe along the Trans-Canada Highway, near Fredericton, last month.

Thomas Therrien Chiasson, 27, had previously changed his plea to guilty on seven charges, including dangerous driving and impaired driving…

The Crown prosecutor had recommended the 18-month sentence for Chiasson, who struggled to contain his laughter as the details of the case were relayed to the court.

The 10 km/h chase took place on the Trans-Canada Highway, about 25 kilometres west of Fredericton, at around 3:40 a.m. on July 7.

It ended near King’s Landing after RCMP officers put down a spike belt, with assistance from members of the Fredericton Police Force.

The backhoe caused more than $23,000 in damage to the highway guardrail and to the asphalt, the courtroom heard.

Chiasson’s defence lawyer agreed the recommended sentence was appropriate.

And dumb enough to sit there in court chuckling over the chase. How to impress a judge.

Bear thinks he can fit through a cat door


An Idaho man snapped pictures of a bear attempting to get into his home through a cat door but only managing to fit its head through the opening.

Doug Harder of Sandpoint said bears have become a frequent nuisance at his condo this year and he first snapped photos of the animals when a mother and two cubs climbed onto his second floor deck to eat birdseed in late May.

He said bear sightings continued in the area and a yearling broke into his condo while he was on vacation last week by opening the sliding glass door, which he had left cracked open with a piece of wood blocking the doorjamb.

Harder said the intruder did very little damage to his property, but the animal defecated on the carpet and raided the domicile for food including flour, brownie mix, Toblerone and Pepsi.

The homeowner said he went to investigate a racket at his door Thursday and was shocked to see a bear attempting to squeeze through his cat door. He said the animal was far too large to fit more than its head through the door.

It came to the cat door Thursday night, trying again and again to get through, which is when I took the photo,” Harder said…It came back yesterday trying to get through the cat door again.”

Time to get some bear spray. It won’t harm the bear; but, it will likely get the idea.

Zombies are about to take over Portland

Hey, all you fantastic Pacific Northwesterners! What are you doing this labor day weekend? Because the Portland Film Festival is celebrating its fourth year running with movie premieres, Q&As, guest speakers and… zombies? Yup, you read that correctly: September 7th is Zombie Day in Portland.

George C. Romero, son of the Night of the Living Dead director, is enlisting local zombie fans to be extras in his short film Zombie Day Apocalypse. Why? He’s vying for the Guinness World Record “Most Extras in a Short Film.” And it’s up to you to help him, in full zombie garb! What better time to round up zombie movie lovers than at an independent film festival?

Per the Zombie Day website, you can sign up to play the role of Fleeing Citizen or DIY Zombie. For a small price, you can bump either of those titles up to Featured Extra. You can also donate to become a Featured Crew Member, Supporter, Associate Producer and Producer.

Thanks, Ursarodinia

Terrorist paranoia — International version at Dublin Airport

A toddler’s toy gun — which is big and blue from the new Minions film — was confiscated by security officers at Dublin International Airport Saturday…

Daire Fitzpatrick said her young son, Leo, was passing through security when security officers seized the Minions Fart Blaster toy.

“Sometime, common sense and compassion can be employed,” Fitzpatrick wrote on Facebook. “Even though the security officer admitted that his child has the same toy and he was fully aware of its function and the reality of its threat level…

“The usual standards are not only woefully below par when it comes to important things, but now apparently when it comes to obviously harmless toys that light up a little boy’s life they are frustratingly laughable,” she continued on Facebook.

Idjits running airports. This is what the Western world has come to.