Category: Humor

Pic of the Day


Ebola handshake going strong as Ebola cases decrease

U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations Samantha Power and Dr. Peter Graaff, the World Health Organization’s representative in Liberia, are among the first to publicly use the Ebola handshake. It’s a trend that’s catching on.

When this new form of salutation was introduced in disease-torn west Africa in October, it was considered yet another way to temper the Ebola epidemic. Today, bumping elbows, hitting arms and knocking shoes — each considered an Ebola handshake — is the new normal, especially among young men.

It’s not a trend that’s going away anytime soon. As the three hardest hit nations — Liberia, Sierra Leone and Guinea — cope with the aftermath of Ebola, some are considering new ways to institute safer health practices. In parts of hard-hit Sierra Leone, where some 3,000 have died from Ebola, the handshake is law…

The Ebola handshake has even spread beyond the borders of Africa. Earlier this month, United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-moon was seen using the Ebola handshake.

Maybe this will help us all out with the flu, as well.

Underwater photographers caught in sperm whale Poopnado!

When Keri Wilk dived into clear waters off the island of Dominica, swimming through a massive whale poo was not in the plan. But it’s what happened.

“At first, it seemed like a regular bowel movement,” Keri explained…”But rather than continuing its dive down, it remained at the surface and continued to defecate for a startling length of time.

The “poonado” then spread through the water – ending up in Keri’s mouth – as the whale flapped its tail.

“Four of us looked at each other with confusion, then back at the whale, expecting that any second its call from nature would come to an end…

“Instead, the whale bobbed up and down, spun in circles and waved the poo in every direction for several minutes while we just sat back and watched.”

Keri said the poo ended up spreading about 30 metres around him and his three fellow divers.

“After a few waves of faeces were released and stirred vigorously by the whale, the water was like chocolate milk, I couldn’t see my hand when I held it in front of my face.

I had poop in my eyes, mouth, wetsuit, everywhere and I was soaked in it from head to toe. But, after leaving the cloud, it quickly washed away, and didn’t leave a smell on us.

“I did take an extra long shower once I returned to shore later that day, just in case.

Eeoough!

Thanks, Ursarodinia

Pic of the Day

The four intrepid mammals stand close together underneath a specially installed heat lamp at the West Midland Safari Park near Bewdley, outside Birmingham.

Staff at the facility installed the special lights after temperatures plummeted leaving the inquisitive animals feeling the chill.

However, it did not take long for the four meerkats to learn that the light was also providing warmth – as well as a good show for visitors to the park.

Guys – are you a Stehpinkler or a Sitzpinkler?

choices, choices

A German judge ruled a tenant can’t be held responsible for floor damage resulting from urinating while in the standing position.

Dusseldorf Judge Stefan Hank sided with the tenant, whose lawsuit said the landlord refused to return $2,100 of his $3,300 deposit, alleging the resident’s urine had damaged the marble floor around the toilet.

Hank said the arguments from the landlord and a “technical expert” who confirmed urine was responsible for the marble tile damage were “credible and understandable,” but not enough to sway his opinion.

“Despite the increasing domestication of men in this regard, urinating while standing up is still widespread,” the judge wrote in his ruling.

Hank said the landlord should have warned the tenant of the floor’s “sensitivity” to urine droplets…

There has been a growing movement in Germany to convert “Stehpinkler,” men who stand while urinating, into tidier “Sitzpinkler,” men who sit to pee. Opponents of the movement sometimes use “Sitzpinkler” as a derogatory term to insult a man’s masculinity.

Har!

What class of Arrogant describes Mommy?

proper invoice

A five-year-old was billed for failing to attend a friend’s birthday party – resulting in threats of legal action.

Alex Nash, from Cornwall, was invited to the party just before Christmas.

An invoice for £15.95 was sent by his schoolfriend’s mother Julie Lawrence, who said Alex’s non-attendance left her out of pocket and his parents had her details to tell her he was not going.

Alex’s father Derek said he had been told he would be taken to the small claims court for refusing to pay.

Alex’s parents, from Torpoint, had accepted an invitation to the party at a dry ski slope in Plymouth, Devon, just before Christmas.

However, they realised their son was double-booked and due to spend time with his grandparents, which he did…

His parents said they had no contact information for Ms Lawrence at that time.

They found the invoice in a brown envelope in his schoolbag last week.

Mr Nash said: “It was a proper invoice with full official details and even her bank details on it.

“I can understand that she’s upset about losing money. The money isn’t the issue, it’s the way she went about trying to get the money from me…

In a short statement, Ms Lawrence said: “All details were on the party invite. They had every detail needed to contact me.”

Mr Nash said he had been told he was being taken to the small claims court because he was refusing to pay.

RTFA if you think you’ll find the discussion of relevant law interesting. Suffice it to say the invoice ain’t being paid.

I would be hard-pressed to stick to Mr. Nash’s level of politeness.

Israeli newspaper photoshops women out of Paris Unity Rally

What women?

Chancellor Angela Merkel of Germany was right there next to the president of France on Sunday, marching through the streets of Paris for all the world to see — all the world, that is, except the readers of an ultra-Orthodox newspaper in Israel.

The newspaper, HaMevaser, altered a third-page photograph of the march to remove Ms. Merkel and other female leaders, setting off snickers and satire on social media.

Ultra-Orthodox publications generally avoid pictures of women for reasons of modesty, and their intended audience has been known to scratch women’s faces out of bus advertisements and to bar them from running for public office in their parties. But some people saw the deletions from the Paris photograph as a more serious sin.

“It is rather embarrassing when, at a time that the Western world is rallying against manifestations of religious extremism, our extremists manage to take the stage,” Allison Kaplan Sommer commented on a blog for Israel’s left-leaning newspaper Haaretz. She berated HaMevaser for “denying the fact that in the wider world, beyond the ultra-Orthodox Jewish community, women do stand on the world stage and shape events…”

An Irish satirical news source, Waterford Whispers, responded by posting its own “feminist newspaper photoshop,” featuring the same Paris street scene with three female leaders depicted, but no men.

Newspapers catering to ultra-Orthodox Jews have been embarrassed before by their handling of news photographs depicting women. In 2011, Di Tzeitung, a Brooklyn-based publication, apologized for digitally altering a photograph to remove Hillary Rodham Clinton, who was then secretary of state, and another woman from a scene in the White House Situation Room.

Fundamentalist nutballs are worth laughing at 24/7.

Still, please be be unrelenting in the fight to keep theocratic crap from becoming the law of the land. They have no shortage of ignoranus supporters.

Indian civil servant sacked after 24-years sick leave!

Spock will fix it
WWSD?

The Indian government has sacked a civil servant who went on leave in 1990 and never came back to work.

Urban development minister M Venkaiah Naidu said a case of “wilful absence” had been proved against electrical engineer AK Verma.

Mr Verma had been under investigation since 1992, but had refused to co-operate, the minister said.

Correspondents say absenteeism is a pervasive problem in government-run offices in India.

Mr Naidu said in a statement that Mr Verma joined the Central Public Works Department in 1980.

He had risen to the rank of executive engineer by 1990, when he went on leave.

An inquiry was set up in 1992, but formal proceedings to dismiss him were not begun until 2007…It took a further seven years for the department to reach a decision and dismiss him.

It is not clear whether he was paid during his time off.

A report in 2012 labelled India’s government machinery the worst in Asia.

Schools have also faced problems, with teachers failing to turn up for work in huge numbers…Last August, a state school in Madhya Pradesh sacked a teacher who had been absent for 23 years of her 24-year career.

Between caste system remnants and leftovers from the British colonial bureaucracy, I think India has further to go to be economically reclassified as Developing rather than a Third World nation.

When it comes to investing any tiny portion of my meagre fixed income in the BRIC nations – the only parts that get my attention are China and Brazil.

Saudi Islamic scholar issues fatwa – banning snowmen

Harbin snow festival
Click to enlargeBetter stay away from Harbin in the winter

A fatwa issued by Saudi religious scholar Mohammad Saleh Al Minjed bans the creation of snowmen, saying it is too western of a practice.

“It is not permitted to make a statue out of snow, even by way of play and fun,” said the fatwa.

After a snow storm on the Arabian Peninsula, children started building snow-camels — a rare incident that inspired the fatwa.

Supporters of the fatwa say the creation of snowmen or snow camels, rather, is a crude imitation of the West…

The camels, built in the northern part of the country, were a nod to the local culture.

“We have snow for fleeting days, maybe even hours, and there is always someone who wants to rob us of the joy and the fun,” said opposing blogger Mishaal.

It seems that the only thing left for us is to sit down and drink coffee.”

Be satisfied you can do that, Mishaal. We have fundamentalist religions in the US that won’t let you drink coffee.