Eideard

An Albuquerque restaurant owner called it one of the strangest events he’s ever seen: three men arrested after they stole toilet paper from his bathroom.

The incident went down at Burgers, Dogs and Wings on Saturday.

Employee Josh Flannery-Stewart said when the three men entered his restaurant, he was immediately suspicious. “They weren’t really talking. Their eyes were all messed up and droopy and dilated,” Flannery-Stewart said.

Shortly thereafter, workers said they noticed the men come out of the bathroom carrying rolls of toilet paper. In all, police said the man made off with about a dozen rolls, but they didn’t get far.

“They got in their car and all of a sudden APD (Albuquerque Police Department) was surrounding them,” Flannery-Stewart said. Officers said the men were already under surveillance by police.

Flannery-Stewart said the men were suspected of having a mobile heroin rig…

The restaurant manager said they were able to get the toilet paper back.

Guess the Albuquerque coppers didn’t need it for evidence.

You know, there aren’t too many crooks roaming the streets of America with an overwhelming amount of smarts, anyway. These clowns certainly score high on the dumbometer.

Worried that you’ll break down and use your credit cards on a frivolous purchase before you pay off the balance? Make the physical cards difficult to access by placing them in a jar of peanut butter. You’ll probably want to put the cards in a plastic baggie before burying them in the jar, but if not you’ll have even more incentive not to use the card.

We’ve all seen the freeze your credit card in a block of ice trick before – hiding them from burglars – but personal finance blog Squawkfox recommends placing your credit cards in a jar of peanut butter. I can see a few advantages of using peanut butter as a delay mechanism rather than ice; it doesn’t take up any freezer space, and while most burglars know to check the freezer, very few of them will take out enough peanut butter to find your cards.

The idea being that if it’s too difficult for burglars to steal your credit cards it’s unlikely you’ll spend less-motivated energy schlepping them out of the peanut butter yourself and cleaning them up to use for an impulse purchase.

I know. It’s a pretty dumb idea. Lots wrong with it. But, every time I wander past it in the file I keep for blog ideas – I can’t help smiling. Maybe you will, too.

Two suspected burglars on the run from police in Colombia have been detained while trying to hide inside a jail.

The two were being chased by police after a burglary in a house in the capital, Bogota. They jumped from rooftop to rooftop and over walls, only to land inside La Picota, one of Colombia’s biggest jails.

Their involuntary break-in immediately set off the prison alarm, leading to their capture…

If their case goes to court and they are found guilty, they could be sent back to La Picota.

Har!

Police said they will search Thursday for what is left of the cremated remains of a man and two dogs that robbers stole from a Florida house and then snorted after mistakenly thinking it was cocaine.

Members of the Marion County sheriff’s department dive team say they will search a lake in the area where they think the remainder of the ashes may have been dumped.

Are they going to run the water through a filter?

The robbery occurred in December in a home in the central Florida area of Silver Springs, the sheriff department said in a statement. A robbery crew ransacked the home taking electronics, jewelry and the cremated ashes of the homeowner’s father and two Great Danes.

“During the investigation, detectives learned that the ashes were taken because the suspects mistook the ashes for either cocaine or heroin. It was soon discovered that the suspects snorted some of the ashes believing they were snorting cocaine,” a sheriff’s department statement said.

Three teens and two juveniles were arrested in the case.

For a grand total of five idiots.

Two would-be thieves called in their own crime to police in Germany after they could not escape from a broken-down elevator over the weekend.

“This sounds really dumb,” one of the thieves told police in Cologne over the elevator’s emergency phone, “But I’m afraid that we wanted to break in and the elevator has gotten stuck.”

When police arrived they found the two thieves aged 31 and 37 stuck in the elevator of an office building.

The thieves allegedly broke into the building and were attempting to reach a higher floor when the elevator became stuck, the police said.

They decided to phone for help when one thief injured his hand attempting to pry open the door.

Firemen eventually freed the men and they were arrested.

Har!

At least they were smart enough to call for help and not try to qualify for a Darwin Award.

A farmer unwittingly shot two suspected burglars who were allegedly targeting a cannabis factory, which he didn’t know existed, on his property.,,However, he found himself arrested on suspicion of attempted murder after two men who had ventured on to his land turned up in hospital with gunshot wounds.

The farmer says he had no idea he had injured the men until 16 armed police stormed his home in Crays Hill, Essex, later that day.

Edward Tibbs, 62, who suffers from multiple sclerosis and neuralgia, told detectives he had been awoken by the sound of geese and, after going outside on his mobility scooter, had shot three times into the dark, believing he was firing at a fox.

“It was an accident as far as I am concerned. I was out shooting that night on my land and apparently two people got shot there,” he said.

This is not someone I would want for a neighbor here in rural New Mexico. You don’t shoot at an animal – or a person – unless you can see what you’re firing at.

“I didn’t know anyone had been hit. If I did, I would have called the police. Apparently they went to hospital and police were called and they said where it happened. It happened at 4am, but the first I knew about it was when the police came…”

Police later discovered that a cannabis factory had been set up in a rented outbuilding on Mr Tibbs’s farm and it was thought that the two men were attempting to burgle it when they were shot.

Mr Tibbs, who said he had no knowledge of the cannabis plants, was later released without charge.

The injured men, from Basildon, were arrested on suspicion of possessing a firearm but were also released without charge. Two women who were arrested in connection with the discovery of 50 cannabis plants were also freed after questioning.

1. Way too many coincidences.

2. Is there a medical marijuana program in the UK? Mr. Tibbs sounds like he qualifies.

When three teenage burglars pried open the door of a northwest Albuquerque home they had no idea they would be met by a brave little girl, police said Wednesday.

Alyssa Gutierrez, 11, took matters into her own hands Tuesday when police said when Miguel Marquez, Eduardo Zubiate and Jesus Quintana broke into her home. Gutierrez armed herself with a loaded rifle.

“I was planning, if they came right next to me, I would shoot them,” Gutierrez said.

But Gutierrez, who will start sixth grade next week, never got the chance because she’d spooked the burglars…

“I ran back into my mom’s room and grabbed her little pink rifle, and there was two bullets in there,” she said.

With the loaded rifle, Gutierrez said she checked the bathroom and then the living room ready to defend herself. She said she ran to her mother’s closet and called 911.

But while Gutierrez protected her home, she had no idea the suspects had jumped the fence and that an off-duty APD officer driving passed her home had spotted them.

Police arrested the three teens and their alleged getaway driver, Abraham Bustillos, minutes after the break-in.

Gutierrez said she feels lucky because just a few days ago she had learned how to shoot a rifle.

“I felt proud of myself,” Gutierrez said.

Good for you, kid!

Meet Matthew McNelly and Joey Miller. The Iowa men were arrested Friday night on attempted burglary charges after a 911 caller told cops that two hoodie-wearing males were trying to enter his apartment.

During a subsequent traffic stop (McNelly, 23, and Miller, 20, were traveling in a 1994 Buick Roadmaster), Carroll Police Department officers collared the men, both of whom had their faces painted. Police Chief Jeff Cayler is unsure why McNelly and Miller, pictured in the mug shots, opted for the Sharpie marker look, but surmised that they may have been trying to intimidate the apartment’s occupant.

Or perhaps ski masks are a bit pricey.

I think each is just dumber’n a hoe handle!

Urban recliner accessories

Willbert Weeks was 4 years old when he lost his legs as a result of severe burns.

Early this morning, the 66-year-old Englewood resident lost his legs a second time — at the hands of two thieves who broke in to his home, pistol-whipped him and stole his prosthetic legs.

“They hit me in the head with a pistol, snatched my legs and ran out,” he said.

The suspects got away. But Weeks’ legs were recovered, undamaged, in an alley near his house.

Chicago police say Weeks told them he was watching a Discovery Channel program on volcanoes when a male and female, between 15 and 18 years old and both around 5 feet tall and 110 pounds, entered his bedroom.

After hitting Weeks and grabbing his legs and identification card, the pair ran out the back door, police said.

A good reason to keep a gun near your favorite TV chair – apparently, if you live around Chicago.

If you’re not afraid of losing your temper and shooting the TV set.

A Queens couple made crime a family affair when they brought two small children along while burglarizing homes.

Alleged getaway driver Erika Santa, 23, had a loaded gun and her daughters, Genesis Jiminez, 4, and Brianna Lantigua, 5 months, in the car when cops caught her Monday. Santa waited in a van with the kids as Brianna’s father, Hugo Lantigua, 22, and pal Pedro Camillo, 19, broke into a home on 83rd St. Monday, police said.

Two cops, on the lookout for a blond getaway driver in a van following a rash of break-ins, spotted Santa and moved in. Sgt. Joseph Tarsio and Officer Brett Huzar nabbed Lantigua and Camillo as they carried out jewelry, cash and electronics, police said.

Police found Brianna buckled in a car seat and Genesis bouncing free in the back. The gun was in a dashboard compartment.

Genesis told cops “Mommy and Mommy’s boyfriend come home with money every day,” a police source said.

Creeps!