Tagged: Humor

Would you hire Luis Suarez to work in your office?

I realize hilarious responses may be limited to fans of proper football who already know Luis Suarez. Suffice it to say he’s an athlete paid millions of dollars [pounds, pesos, whatever] to dazzle his opponents on a football pitch. Soccer field in the USA.

He’s also known for problems with translation into English leading to penalties for racism. Problems with civil behavior leading to penalties for biting an opponent. Problems with balance admittedly affecting dozens of world-class athletes leading to penalties for “simulating” a foul by an opponent.

Any road, the video is a hoot.

Why conservatives hate New York’s Citi Bike

What is it about bike shares that so enrages conservatives? They’re just bikes! That people share! And yet the New York Post has a new story every day about the endless disasters that Citi Bike has brought upon the helpless populace of New York.

Dorothy Rabinowitz of The Wall Street Journal called the Bloomberg administration “totalitarian” for … encouraging the riding of bikes, we guess…

But, in a way, the depth of conservative animosity for a bike-share program makes perfect sense. Because, as the Venn diagram above indicates, Citi Bike finds itself at the very nexus of five different things that conservatives hate:

Mayor Bloomberg: Conservatives hate Mayor Bloomberg, a cosmopolitan billionaire who thinks he knows better than them and has the right to control their lives. Bloomberg wants to take their guns, and, even worse, he wants to take their enormous sodas…

Healthy: Bike riding is healthy, especially when the alternative is sitting in a cab, train, or bus. But conservatives hate being told to be healthy. Look at how much scorn they have for Michelle Obama simply for encouraging kids to exercise more and eat more vegetables. As Americans, it is our God-given right to eat as much crap as we want, pass our medical bills onto the government, and then yell at the government for spending too much money on health care…

Sharing: So central to the concept of bike shares, they put it right in the name. But conservatives hate sharing — tax dollars, calamari, doesn’t matter…

Environmental: Bike are also good for the environment. This will please you if you think the environment actually needs help. But if you think carbon emissions and climate change are conspiracies (like 58 percent of Republicans) perpetrated by Al Gore and a handful of scientists at the University of East Anglia, then bikes are just lies on wheels…

Vaguely French: French people ride bikes, right? Like, more than other people? There’s something vaguely French about this whole thing. Doesn’t sit well.

Sounds about right to me. I don’t see a single issue here that hasn’t been raised by some AM radio nutball preacher or pundit.

Coming Soon: TBTF ETF

I am putting together a new ETF that consists entirely of companies that have become so large and systemically important that they are guaranteed survival regardless of their own incompetency.

It is a market cap weighted index (naturally) so that those names that represent the greatest threat to the overall economy have the highest weighting. Full universe of potential holdings are here:

Ticker symbol: TBTF

Top 10 Holdings
AIG*
Citigroup
Bank of America
Morgan Stanley
Goldman Sachs
Wells Fargo
Fannie Mae
JPMorgan
US Bancorp
Ally

…We expect trading to begin May 1. Full disclosures and documentation available on request…**

We will be following the domestic ETF with an international version: TBTFi (not to be confused with the BlackRock’s offering, iTBTF). It will be filled with ECB notes, Japanese banks, Sovereign debt from Greece and Cyprus, etc. For diversification purposes, it is important to own TBTF banks in various geographic regions in case of local central bank collapse or nuclear accident.

* AIG is really in there as a sentimental favorite, but they are no longer truly TBTF.

** No, not really, as this is sarcasm.

Barry Ritholtz has a background in math & sciences and a law school degree…He left Law for Finance, working as a trader, researcher and strategist before graduating to asset management…and sarcastic blogging.

He considers himself an independent voter and describes himself as a recovering Republican.

Doomed, I say. Doooomed!

 

El Señor Studio has the honour to present the failures of the natural selection. A set of strange creatures whose instincts instead of focusing on survival seem doomed them to an absurd and comic extinction, in the presence of the astonished gaze of the narrator.

This is also the story of the relationship between these creatures and its Narrator. The character of the Narrator was a documentary star, but unfortunately for him, the good times are over and he is forced to accept this strange documentary, which he considered far below its potential.

Thanks, Ursarodinia