Eideard

Laura Chavez did not pass go. She did not collect $200.

Instead, Santa Fe County Sheriff’s deputies took the 60-year-old directly to jail after they say she repeatedly stabbed her boyfriend Wednesday after arguing during a game of Monopoly.

Police responded to a stabbing call at 1:21 a.m. Wednesday in the Casa Villita Apartments…Deputy Kurt Whyte arrived at the apartment where he says he found the 48-year-old male stabbing victim, “bleeding heavily from his head and right wrist area.”

Chavez, who police say admitted stabbing the man with a kitchen knife, was arrested and charged with aggravated battery on a household member with a deadly weapon, battery upon a peace officer, assault upon a peace officer and resisting or evading a police officer…Her boyfriend, meanwhile, remained hospitalized late Wednesday but was in stable condition, according to Lt. Adan Mendoza.

Police say both Chavez and her boyfriend appeared to be intoxicated.

According to the statement of probable cause filed for Chavez’s arrest drafted by Detective Andrew Quintana, Chavez and her boyfriend were playing a late Tuesday night game of Monopoly with her 10-year-old grandson. The young boy told police the couple began fighting because his grandma thought her boyfriend was cheating at the classic Parker Brothers game…

Investigators say they were not aware of past domestic violence calls regarding the couple, but jail records show Chavez has been booked into the Santa Fe County jail nine times since June 2006, many of which were related to violations of probation and the conditions of her release from a 2009 felony drug possession case in which she eventually received a conditional discharge.

Every aspect of life in a banana republic culture can be exciting. Even a board game can turn into an assault.

A Las Cruces woman was jailed after allegedly stabbing her boyfriend for not buying her another 40-ounce bottle of Olde English 800 malt liquor.

Dona Ana sheriff’s deputies were called to a house on the 9500 block of Butterfield Boulevard around 5:30 p.m. Thursday after Alexa Monet Rodriguez, 22, allegedly became enraged at her boyfriend and stabbed him in the arm with a 14-inch stainless steel knife, according to sheriff’s office spokeswoman Kelly Jameson.

Rodriguez also allegedly had thrown a 3-pound weight at her boyfriend so hard it got lodged in the wall, then struck him in the back with a TV tray and a chair, Jameson said. After the alleged stabbing, Rodriguez allegedly threw the knife at the victim and fled.

She was arrested soon after and charged with aggravated battery against a household member with a deadly weapon, aggravated assault against a household member with a deadly weapon and two counts of battery against a household member. Magistrate Judge Richard Silva set Rodriguez’s bond at $15,000 cash.

The victim, a Farmington man who just moved to Las Cruces three months ago, was transported by ambulance to an area hospital to be treated for non-life-threatening injuries.

I don’t know about that last paragraph. Looks to me like she tried like hell to threaten his life!

Police believe they are close to catching a burglar nicknamed Goldilocks who breaks into homes, eats the owners food and then takes a nap in their beds.

Essex Police have been encouraged by the public response since they launched an appeal for information about blond-haired Jesse Dobinson, 19, who has gone missing.

He was still at large on Friday.

Detective Inspector Simon Anslow, who has also released a photograph of Dobinson, said: We called him Goldilocks as we believe he has not only eaten his victims food, but also slept in their beds…He added: It is distressing for the victim to come home and find their food has been eaten and that someone has been in their personal space.

Within a few days, police claim he twice broke into a house in Wickford, Essex, helped himself to food, had a brief sleep and then stole electrical goods.

He is then said to have returned a third time and, on being disturbed, shot his victim in the chest with a BB gun.

The unemployed teenager from South Woodham Ferrers is also wanted in connection with a knifepoint robbery in the same town…

Dobinson is described as slim, clean-shaven, 5ft 3in tall and with short, straight hair.

Time to act like a bear.

After taping his father to a chair, 19-year-old Matthew Nellessen and three accomplices allegedly forced the Arlington Heights man to sign over a $100,000 check from his retirement fund.

When 55-year-old George Nellessen warned his son he would report the theft to police, the younger Nellessen reacted violently — pummeling his helpless father with a baseball bat, then stabbing him in the neck with a steak knife, Cook County prosecutors said Monday…

After the killing, Matthew Nellessen later tried unsuccessfully to cash the check, then made “numerous” bank withdrawals using his father’s debit card, McCarthy said. He ultimately returned to the family’s Arlington Heights home where his father’s lifeless body still sat tied to a chair, authorities said.

George Nellessen’s body wasn’t discovered until two days after his death when a friend came to the house to check on him after co-workers became concerned that he had missed work, prosecutor Maria McCarthy said during the younger Nellessen’s bond hearing.

Judge Kay Hanlon ordered Matthew Nellessen jailed without bond on first-degree murder and armed robbery charges stemming from his father’s killing.

Three other alleged accomplices — all Chicago residents — remained jailed Monday on bonds ranging from $3 million to $1.5 million. Those three men: Marlon Green, 20; Armon Braden, 20; and his younger brother, Azari Braden, 19; also face murder and armed robbery charges in the killing…

The day he was slain, George Nellessen told two co-workers that he planned to kick his son out of the house because he believed the teen was stealing money from him, McCarthy said.

The elder Nellessen, who worked in the tool-and-die industry, told a friend he was afraid of his son.

RTFA for the slimy details. Throw away the key!

The geezer shot by cops after botching a Manhattan bank robbery ought to have his picture in the dictionary under “career criminal.”

John Stolarz has been running afoul of the law since he was 18. He’s committed crimes in at least nine states. He’s even busted out of prison a few times. Known by the old-school nickname “Johnny Shades,” the 69-year-old Stolarz was shot Thursday after cops say he tried to stick up a Chase branch with a knife.

He had been out of prison only one day…

He most recent stay in lock-up – 22 years – followed convictions for robbing a string of banks in Louisiana, Nevada, Washington state and Utah.

The strapping ex-con was released from a New Jersey federal prison Wednesday morning and was supposed to go to Philadelphia to pick up a pre-paid ticket to Salt Lake City. He was due to serve eight months in a halfway house…

Stolarz entered the Chase Bank at 2 Penn Plaza and armed with a knife, confronted a woman working in the customer service area. He demand wanted cash, fifties and hundreds.

But she told him there was no money in her section, and when an assistant manager came over and told the suspect much the same thing, he grew agitated…

Shades left, followed by the assistant manager who flagged down a police officer.

That cop and his partner followed Shades down the stairs into Penn Station…finally to a Amtrak loading dock area, where cops say Stolarz, 10-inch steak knife in his hand, refused orders to drop his weapon.

When the 6-foot-1-inch suspect moved toward Officer Edgar Perez, the six-year veteran fired twice, one bullet striking the suspect in his right thigh.

Idiot.

Choose your weapon!

Egyptian security agents on Wednesday arrested a Sudanese man who tried to hijack an airliner armed with a plastic knife.

The passenger grabbed the knife from his meal tray after the Egypt Air plane left Turkish airspace bound for Cairo. He then demanded the crew divert the aircraft to Jerusalem.

Egyptian onboard security officers reacted immediately, calmed the passenger down and arrested him while the flight continued without disruption. No one was hurt in the incident.

It was not immediately clear what his motives were.

It also wasn’t clear whether he was smarter than your average hoe handle.

A Glendale, Ariz., man said he was possessed and screamed Eminem lyrics before fatally stabbing his wife and daughter, emergency dispatcher tapes reveal.

Micheal Miller, KSAZ-TV, Phoenix, reports, said he visualized his wife Adreana as a demon and shouted the lyrics “Here comes Satan. I’m the anti-Christ. I’m going to kill you” before stabbing her May 30.

Miller, 29, also stabbed his 4-year-old son Brian 11 times. The boy is being taken care of by relatives, KSAZ said.

KSAZ said Miller told a dispatcher, “I just killed my family with a knife — all three of them, all three of them.”

He allegedly told police when his screams woke the children, he stabbed them. Miller told police he had tucked his son into bed the night before and prayed for God’s protection hours before the 4 a.m. stabbings, the TV station reported.

Let’s hear it for religious looneybird family-killers who can’t even get the lyrics right.

A Houston man was arrested Tuesday for allegedly stabbing a friend while staying at the Clarion Motel in Waco.

According to Waco Police, Juan Antonio Salano Castellano and four other individuals were all staying in the same room when Castellano was cut in the leg and stabbed in the chest by Jose Braule Ramirez.

Castellano told officers that he and Ramirez were inside the hotel room eating while one of the roommates were showering and the others were outside the room talking on their cell phones. Castellano experienced flatulence which upset Ramirez to the point he picked up a large knife and threw it at Castellano striking him in his leg. Ramirez then came across the room, picked up the knife and stabbed Castellano in the left side of his chest.

The other roommates came into the hotel room and saw that Castellano had been stabbed and immediately took him to one of their private vehicles to take him to the hospital. When the roommates realized they didn’t know where the hospital was an ambulance and police were called to the hotel.

Officers found Ramirez still inside the hotel room where he was arrested without incident. Ramirez was transported to the McLennan County Jail where he was charged with Aggravated Assault.

Har! Must have been some ferocious take-out.

Thanks, Bubba

A hot-blooded sushi chef got so mad during a road- rage incident on Staten Island that he whipped out his work knife and tried to fillet a Brooklyn man like a yellowfin tuna.

Yao Zhou, 37, alle gedly used his 12-inch sushi knife to cut up the face and body of fellow motorist Jack Zaiback, 23, who had to get 100 stitches.

Zaiback and Zhou wound up in their own bloody kitchen nightmare after a near-crash on the West Shore Expressway at 10:30 a.m., sources said.

Zaiback said he was horrified when Zhou grabbed him and started slashing him.

“It was a big knife, I’ve never seen a knife that big in my life,” Zaiback told The Post.

“He was trying to kill me,” he added. “I was scared. I thought I was going to die.”

Zhou had been heading to work in New Jersey with two other men, when they approached a van driven by Zaiback. Zaiback admitted that he cut Zhou off so closely that he thought he might have hit him.

“I get out to give him my information and he grabs me by the chest,” Zaiback said. “And then he pulls out the knife. I pushed him . . . and he starts stabbing me and stabbing me. He wouldn’t stop.”

As the pair rolled around, a police officer spotted the fight and broke it up. Zaiback said that even after the cop arrived, Zhou gave him one more stab in the back of his head.

Good thing the dude wasn’t a gunsmith.

The discount clothing store chain TK Maxx has stopped selling a hooded jacket with a free knife after a customer outcry.

The jacket has a chain attached to the lining which leads to an inside pocket, where the 2.5in blade penknife is concealed.

Steve Gale, a shopper in Farnborough, Hampshire, found one of the coats in his local store. He told the Sun: “I pulled the chain and out came this knife. I couldn’t believe it. It was actually part of the coat.”

It is illegal to market a blade in a way likely to encourage violence or to sell knives to under-18s.

A TK Maxx spokesman said it supported and enforced “all laws and regulations with regard to the sale of knives in stores”.

He said the chain had instructed its stores to remove the Strellson coat after it found out it came with a pocket penknife “as a promotional gift”.

Hampshire police declined to comment.

I can guess what the Hampshire coppers had to say – about the idiots at T.K.Maxx. It just ain’t fit to print.