Posts Tagged ‘penis’
Bloodless erections for big birds, say researchers — Hmmm?
Kiss, kiss!
Ostriches have bloodless erections, according to researchers.
The large birds were previously thought to have blood-based erection mechanisms similar to humans. But scientists from Yale University have now confirmed that the birds actually enlarge their penises with lymph fluid. All other birds with a penis achieve erections in this way, leading scientists to believe the mechanism evolved in their ancient ancestors…
The majority of birds reproduce with a ‘cloacal kiss’ – touching together their cloaca for long enough for sperm to transfer from the males to the females. The cloaca is a single opening through which urine and faeces are excreted but certain species, including ducks, geese, swans and flamingos also possess a penis. In birds, this reproductive organ is unusual as it is enlarged by lymph: the fluid found in bodily tissues.
But the ratite family, from large ostriches to small kiwis, were thought to be the exception to this rule. “Earlier reports form the late 19th Century had suggested that the ostrich had a blood vascular erection mechanism, while no data existed for the emu or rhea,” said Dr Patricia Brennan who co-authored the study.
“Since all other birds with penises have lymphatic erection mechanisms, I always thought that it was strange that the ostrich would be blood vascular.”
To solve the puzzle, Dr Brennan and her team closely examined the penis of a male ostrich and three male emus and found some key differences. “The penis of the ostrich is fundamentally very different from emu and rhea because it is made out of a dense collagen matrix, but the lymphatic machinery is all there,” she told BBC Nature.
“Ostriches do have blood vessels near the surface of the penis, that makes it look pink, but the inside of the penis fills up with lymph, not blood…The reason why the change between blood vascular and lymphatic took place remains a mystery,” said Dr Brennan.
At first look, this might have had special meaning for male humans, a sex group which seems to be consumed with questions about erections. Poisonally, I’d suggest research be devoted to the study of raccoon and bear penises. They are perpetually stiffened by a bone running the length of the interior. A little weightlifting might help out with the rest of the process.
Man with a ring stuck on his penis … and other fire brigade stories
Not the best tool for removing stuck rings from swollen, um, members
A man who turned up at hospital with a ring stuck on his penis had to be cut free by 10 firefighters, according to data released by the London fire brigade.
It took firefighters 20 minutes to remove the ring after staff at Queen Elizabeth hospital, Woolwich, were unable to prise it from the man’s genitals.
Two fire engines were dispatched to perform the delicate procedure, which took place in May this year. Two? One to watch and learn?
It was just one of three incidents in which firefighters were called to remove a ring stuck on a penis between April 2010 to May 2011, records show.
The disclosure is one of 417 incidents attended by London’s firefighters involving people stuck in objects, machinery and furniture – not including road traffic accidents…
The removal of rings from fingers accounted for 160 incidents, while 74 people had “other” objects removed. Some 133 people had become trapped in or under machinery or other objects, and 14 people were impaled.
Dave Brown, the brigade’s assistant commissioner for operations and mobilising, said: “You wouldn’t believe some of the incidents we’re called to deal with…we’d ask the public to take greater care to avoid getting themselves into these often ridiculous situations, and to think carefully before dialling 999 and calling us out if there isn’t an emergency.”
Phew? I never matched any of these. But, barely.
Several years back, picking up one end of a heavy chest-of-drawers to help move it a few feet, I felt the tendon in my ring finger pop and let go. Fortunately, I knew what would happen if I wasn’t quick enough to react. I immediately ran into the bathroom and held my hand under the cold water while I worked my wedding ring off asap. Within a minute that finger was double normal size – and I would have been in need of someone to cut the ring off if I hadn’t already forced it off.
And, no, I’ve never gotten near any other portions of my anatomy threatened by something similar. 
Woman de-schlongifies her hubbie – big time!
A Southern California woman remained jailed Wednesday after authorities said she drugged her estranged husband, tied him to a bed, cut off his penis and put it through a garbage disposal.
Garden Grove police Lt. Jeff Nightengale said Catherine Kieu Becker drugged a meal and served it to the victim, whose name was not released, shortly before the attack Monday night.
Nightengale said the 51-year-old man felt sick, went to lie down and lost consciousness. The 48-year-old Becker then tied the victim’s arms and legs to the bed with rope, removed his clothes and attacked him with a 10-inch kitchen knife as he awoke, Nightengale said…
Nightengale said Becker put the penis in the garbage disposal and turned it on.
The lieutenant said Becker called 911 to report a medical emergency and told arriving officers “he deserved it” before pointing to the room where the victim was found tied to the bed, bleeding profusely. Authorities did not release details on a possible motive in the attack…
Nightengale said Wednesday the couple was married in December 2009 and that the victim filed for divorce six months ago.
Bail for Becker was set at $1 million after she was booked at the Orange County Jail for investigation of aggravated mayhem, false imprisonment, assault with a deadly weapon, administering a drug with intent to commit a felony, poisoning and spousal abuse…
The victim underwent surgery and was listed in good condition at the University of California at Irvine Medical Center in Orange.
Eeoough – that’s gotta leave a mark.
Bangladesh woman cut off attacker’s penis – aids in identification!
Monju Begum, 40, a married mother of three, was allegedly attacked as she slept in her shanty in Mirzapur village, Jhalakathi, about 125 miles south of Bangladesh’s capital, Dhaka.
Mrs Begum told police that her neighbour Mozammel Haq Mazi, forced his way into her home and began attacking her. During the alleged assault, Mrs Begum said she was able to cut off Mr Mazi’s penis.
“As he tried to rape her, the lady cut his penis off with a knife. She then wrapped up the penis in a piece of polythene and brought it to the Jhalakathi police station as evidence of the crime,” said Abul Khaer, the local police chief.
“It is quite an unusual incident. As far as I am aware, this is the first time that a woman has brought a severed penis to the police station as evidence.”
Mr Mazi, who denies the accusation, has been admitted to a nearby hospital. A surgeon said it had not been possible to reattach the organ…
The severed penis has been kept at the police station.
As a souvenir? Evidence? A public warning, eh?
What can he say? “It’s not mine.”
Shedding our penis spines helped us become human
Scientists have identified a clutch of subtle genetic changes that have shaped our minds and bodies into the unique form that sets humans apart from chimpanzees and the rest of the animal kingdom…
The findings offer up the humbling conclusion that the secret of human success may owe more to what we lost along the path of evolution, rather than anything we gained.
When the human genome was first deciphered more than a decade ago, some scientists expected to find extra genes that explained why humans had an intellectual edge over their closest living relatives and other species. But since diverging from chimpanzees around seven million years ago, it turns out that our human ancestors lost several hundred snippets of DNA, which together led to traits that are uniquely human, the researchers claim.
In ditching these chunks of DNA, our ancient ancestors lost facial whiskers and short, tactile spines on their penises. The latter development is thought to have paved the way for more intimate sex and monogamous relationships. The loss of other DNA may have been crucial in allowing humans to grow larger brains.
Intriguingly, hardly any of the lost DNA was from genes, which make the proteins that are the building blocks of life. Instead, the missing DNA came from areas of the genome that regulate where and when certain genes are active…
Penis enlargement barred for Papuan coppers
Move along – you can’t park here!
Forget about getting a job as a police officer in Indonesia’s Papua if you have had your penis enlarged. You won’t get it, according to local media reports citing the Papua police chief.
An applicant “will be asked whether or not his vital organ has been enlarged,” said Papua police chief Bekto Suprapto, quoted on local website Kompas.com. “If he has, he will be considered unfit to join the police or the military.”
The ban was applied since the unnatural size causes “hindrance during training,” said police spokesman Zainuri Lubis in Jakarta…
Papuans use a local technique to achieve the enlargement, according to a sexologist quoted by local newspaper Jakarta Globe, wrapping the penis with leaves from the “gatal-gatal” (itchy) tree so that it swells up “like it has been stung by a bee,” the expert said.
Eeoough! That has to sting.
Womanizer suffers superglued stiffie
A wannabe Don Juan was tempted to a motel in Wisconsin by the prospect of a tryst with one of his numerous lovers. But instead of a night of passion, according to court documents, he found himself confronted by four angry women – among them his wife and another girlfriend – and on the receiving end of a revenge attack grisly enough to make any philanderer think again.
Prosecutors are investigating the convoluted incident that ended with the man tied to a bed with his penis superglued to his stomach, an apparent punishment for his womanising ways. The ambush was said to have been set up by the man’s wife after she found out he had cheated on her with a number of other women.
The roots of the alleged assault were laid when 48-year-old Therese Ziemann met the man through the Craigslist website. They began an affair, and Ziemann became sufficiently smitten to pay for his use of a motel room for two months, as well as giving him about $3,000.
On Wednesday last week, Ziemann met the man’s wife and learned that not only was he married but had a series of other girlfriends from whom he had also extracted money. The following day, she tempted the man to the Lakeview Motel in the village of Stockbridge and suggested he let her tie him up and blindfold him for a massage.
As soon as he was secured, Ziemann cut off the man’s underwear with scissors and sent text messages to summon the man’s wife, another of his lovers and Ziemann’s sister to assist her.
According to the court documents, when the other women arrived Ziemann hit the man in the face and attached his penis to his stomach using superglue.
The women fled – allegedly with the man’s wallet, phone and car – after he started screaming. He managed to chew through one of the bindings and borrowed a telephone from the motel owner to call police.
The women…have been charged with false imprisonment. Ziemann is also charged with fourth-degree sexual assault.
Har!
Danger of heavy toilet seats to male toddlers – OMG
UK doctors have expressed considerable concerns about the growing trend for heavy wooden and ornamental toilet seats after a number of male toddlers were admitted with crush injuries to their penises.
Dr Joe Philip and his colleagues at Leighton Hospital, Crewe, report on four boys under the age of four, who were admitted with injuries serious enough to require an overnight stay.
“As Christmas approaches many families will be visiting relatives and friends and their recently toilet trained toddlers will be keen to show how grown up they are by going to the toilet on their own,” he says.
“It is important that parents check out the toilet seats in advance, not to mention the ones they have in their own homes, and accompany their children if necessary.
The four boys, aged from two to four, all attended as urological emergencies. All had been recently toilet trained and they were using the toilet on their own. They had lifted the toilet seats, which had then fallen back down, crushing their penises.
Eeoouw! That’s gonna leave a mark.
Guilty plea from makers of phony penis
The makers of a prosthetic penis to help men cheat on drugs tests have pleaded guilty to two charges of conspiracy in a US federal court.
The two men, George Wills and Robert Catalano, had been selling the device – known as the Whizzinator – over the internet for three years.
The device was sold with a heating element and fake urine to help people test negative for illegal substances.
“The Whizzinator is the ultimate solution for a drug testing device,” says a statement on the website of the California-based company, which calls itself the “undisputed leader in synthetic urine.”
Their website is down [this morning - perhaps forever] and Amazon says they’re “currently unavailable”. They only carried three of the five colors, anyway.
A cookbook with a lot of balls!
Lamb Eggs. Rocky Mountain Oysters. Spring Roe. Cowboy Caviar. Montana Tendergroins. While the rest of the world dreams up user-friendly names for dishes cooked with testicles, Serbian chef Ljubomir Erovic has no such qualms, as his widely-blogged Testicle Cookbook – Cooking with Balls vividly confirms. Ljubomir, who also runs the ever-popular World Testicle Cooking Championship is a man on a singularly testicular mission…
On the other hand, it’s hard to ignore the charm of a recipe that begins “wash penis clean and pat dry” (stew with bull penis) or the romantic appeal of heart-shaped turkey testicles, and the instructional videos scattered throughout the pages show Erovic to be a man of great charm and unbridled enthusiasm…
And so I head up to the the halal butchers of London’s Green Lanes to track down my ballsy bounty, strike lucky in the first shop I enter, and return home to rustle up some pizza. The recipe is pretty straightforward – a basic dough, tomato paste, chopped onion, chopped red pepper, cheddar cheese and the testicles – but it’s not an altogether happy result. The slices of testicle are wet and soft, and their delicate flavour doesn’t match the rest of the dish. My suspicion is that Erovic has created the recipe to lure in the less adventurous diner, as if to pretend that these lamb berries are a perfectly normal ingredient.
I have more luck with my second dish, the battered testicle fritter. The nads are first marinated in lemon juice, parsley, olive oil and pepper before being fried in a simple batter, and the results are stunning, like miniature, elegant Wiener schnitzels. Emboldened, I’ve set next weekend aside to try Testicles A La Dime Vuk from Kratovo, a bold concoction that attempts to marry “5 pairs of testicles of castrated pigs” with Komovica grape brandy.
Mmmm-mmmmm.
