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Posts Tagged ‘pray

Nun busted driving 112mph to pray for the Pope

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In a country where speeding is a national sport, Italian traffic police are used to hearing the most colourful of excuses from drivers.

But the patrol that pulled over a Ford Fiesta on Friday doing 112mph was surprised to find at the wheel a 56-year-old nun who claimed she needed to be at the pope’s side after the pontiff lost his balance in the bathroom and broke his wrist.

In the back were two fellow Salesian nuns, aged 65 and 78, who had jumped in the car in Turin when news broke of Pope Benedict’s fall near Aosta, where he is spending his summer holiday.

“The police were shocked to find three nuns of a certain age in the Fiesta,” confessed the nun, named only as AM. “But we were afraid of getting there late. I know you shouldn’t go so fast, but the news of his Holiness’s injury had made us truly anxious.”

The pope underwent surgery on Friday and was able to hold a blessing on Sunday with his right wrist in plaster.

The police chose not to forgive the nun, pointing out that she was 30mph over the limit. They suspended her licence for a month and issued a €375 fine.

But AM is a “determined sort”, said her lawyer, Anna Orecchioni. “She is planning to appeal and we think we can invoke the ‘state of necessity’ in the law that allows speeding.”

Religious types have an elaborate history of developing rationales and excuses for most anything. I wouldn’t be surprised if they got away with this one.

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Written by Ed Campbell

July 20, 2009 at 2:00 am

Posted in Crime, Religion

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Are the Republicans officially the Party of God?

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Aides to former Republican presidential nominee John McCain questioned running mate Sarah Palin’s ongoing second-guessing of the McCain campaign.

The McCain aides were responding to a report on CNN that the governor got a laugh when she told a GOP audience in Alaska she had declined to pray with McCain staffers prior to her debate with Joe Biden, who was elected vice president in November.

Describing the pre-debate atmosphere, Palin told the crowd last Friday, she was “looking for somebody to pray with, I just need maybe a little help, maybe a little extra.”

Should not-so-Christian Republicans prepare to follow sacred writ?

Written by Ed Campbell

March 27, 2009 at 8:00 am

Posted in Politics, Religion

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Israeli rabbis plan to pray for the economy

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Rabbi Yona Metzger
Daylife/AFP/Getty Images

Jewish leaders in Israel have named a special day of prayer aimed at curbing the global financial crisis.

Chief Ashkenazi Rabbi Yona Metzger and Chief Sephardi Rabbi Shlomo Amar issued a joint statement calling for Jews across the country to synchronize prayers for economic stability Thursday, the first day of the Jewish month of Kislev.

“Education and Torah institutions are failing to make ends meet, and many are in danger of closure,” the rabbis wrote. “Factories and businesses are firing workers, and many household heads are no longer able to support their families. Therefore, we call on the public to pray one hour before mincha (the afternoon prayer) on Thursday in synagogues across the nation.”

Certainly, we can find some True Believers in the U.S.A. who think that’s a solution.

Written by Ed Campbell

November 26, 2008 at 2:00 am

Posted in Politics, Religion

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Jesus Freaks pray that False Idol will save God’s economy

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Wonkette operative hero “Dan the Man” sent us a powerful/artistic photo yesterday of a bunch of Christian nuts praying over a false bronze idol, the Wall Street Bull (or Bowling Green Bull for you dandies out there), asking God to nationalize the economy under the state of heaven so that they could pay for their porn subscriptions and fried NASCAR-themed dildos for a few more months.

Well, “Dan” has come through again and sent us a video and a few more hilarious photos, such as the one above featuring, whoa, is that the Regina of Phoenician-Based Symbols Created To Represent Sounds, Madam Peggy Noonan of the Wall Street Journalshire? Scandal!

They consoled each other after they realized that they were just as poor as they had been after praying to the bull as before. Do they know that this bull is an Artistic Joke that actually mocks the greed of those who come to worship it? That is not a question worth asking.

Here’s Meghan leading a paean to this “America” she supposedly wants God to nationalize. Run around the bull with those flags three times, kids, and the bull’s eyes will glow emerald green; it will snarl, utter a gutteral, ancient demon roar, “RRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRR,” and fucking kill all of you with nose-fire. Do not anger this sleeping monster.

Ghostbusters rules!

Written by Ed Campbell

October 31, 2008 at 9:00 am

Posted in Politics, Religion

Tagged with , , , ,

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