Eideard

Officials in the Russian capital say new public toilets, to be introduced by the end of the year, will be virtually indestructible.

With basins made from ultra-strong fibrous concrete, and fittings hewn from a mixture of steel and reinforced plastic, officials say the state of the art WC’s are vandal and terrorist-proof.

“If somebody will leave a bomb inside the lavatory and it explodes, then the toilet won’t be destroyed,” said Anatoly Ashikhmin, an official involved in the project from the Moscow State Department of Building Maintenance…

The high tech facilities, say officials, will also be kept above 16 degrees centigrade (about 60 degrees Fahrenheit), important in a city where winter temperatures often plunge below -30 degrees centigrade.

City officials say an extra security feature of the new unisex toilet is that members of the public will be able to spend a maximum of 30 minutes inside before the doors automatically open and an alarm sounds.

Please don’t let anyone in Homeland InSecurity know about this.

First off, every member of Congress will want a crapper like this in their office. Second, TSA will make them mandatory in every airport. And we’ll have to pay for them.

Squeaky-clean Singapore needs cleaner toilets and public awareness is one way to achieve this, a civic group said at the launch of the latest stage of its LOO campaign — Let’s Observe Ourselves.

The city-state has 30,000 public restrooms and is pushing to make 70 percent of them at least “three-star” clean by 2013.

But a survey by the Restroom Association (Singapore) (RAS) found that only some 500 of the island’s public toilets overall were up to its standards of working facilities, lack of litter and odor, and the provision of basic amenities such as hand soap and toilet paper.

“For us, toilet etiquette reflects Singaporeans’ culture. It tells people how civilized we are,” RAS President Tan Puay Hoon told reporters on Thursday, when the association unveiled its 70-page report on public restrooms as part of a campaign to improve island-wide toilet cleanliness.

“We are a First World country and we want a gracious society to reflect that.”

Under the RAS Happy Toilet Programme, toilets are rated from three to five stars. A four-star toilet should have a diaper changing station or urinal for children and a five-star should have eco-friendly features such as water-saving taps…

The LOO Campaign began in 2008. The RAS has also conducted the Happy Toilet School Education program and is a founding member of the World Toilet Organization and the Keep Singapore Beautiful Movement.

I hope no one ever lets these kind folks know what public toilets in Western First World nations are really like.

People in seven European countries have positive attitudes toward a new eco-friendly toilet that could substantially reduce pollution problems and conserve water and nutrients, scientists in Switzerland are reporting. Their article, which calls on authorities to give wider support for the innovative toilet technology, is in ACS’ Environmental Science & Technology.

Judit Lienert and Tove Larsen note in the article that the so-called NoMix toilet collects urine separately instead of mixing it together with feces as in conventional toilets. Urine contains 80 percent of the nitrogen and 50 percent of the phosphorus arriving at wastewater treatment plants. Separating it in advance could have a number of advantages. This includes a reduction in the amount of nitrogen and phosphorous nutrients that trigger algae blooms and in pharmaceutical residues, which can enter waterways and pose a threat to fish. Separating urine also allows its use as an agricultural fertilizer, the scientists note. However, scientists have not widely explored public attitudes about using this promising technology until now.

The scientists reviewed surveys on acceptance and use of NoMix toilets among seven European countries with responses from 2700 people. Those countries were Switzerland, Germany, Austria, Luxembourg, The Netherlands, Sweden, and Denmark. The researchers found that the technology is well-accepted, with about 80 percent of users expressing support of the idea, with many willing to use it at work or at home.

Between 75 to 85 percent of the users found that the design, hygiene, smell and seating comfort of the NoMix toilets equals that of conventional toilets. About 85 percent of users were open to the idea of using stored urine as fertilizer. “No Mix-technology deserves more support by authorities and mainstream research,” the article notes.

In terms of technology, this is no more difficult than the plumbing in large modern trailers. Most have three tanks: one for gray water from showers and sinks, one for urine, one for solid waste.

That and the ten years needed to get American building codes up to match the European standards who will do this, first.

This very day, Monday October 26, in the year of Our Lord 2009, at a huge event in Fort Worth, Texas, the latest motivational sensation will explain to a breathless convention how to make good decisions, lots of money and a big reputation. The name of this wonder of the world? George W Bush. Oh my God. Yes, the stumbling folksy Messiah is about to appear back on the radar screen, bearing a formula for personal success. Just when you thought it was safe to go out again.

The event at which the ex-president will be speaking is described online as a “motivational mega-show that packs more inspirational firepower than a stick of dynamite!” Right. Will they have some hideously crippled folk from Baghdad to testify about the effects of dynamite on one’s prospects for success? No, thought not. Dubya will be paid $100,000 for a 40-minute speech showing how you can get in touch with your inner eejit. Maybe he’ll use the money for supplies of OxiClean to get the blood off his hands.

But here’s something even crazier.

The Messiah has appeared at an Ikea store in Glasgow. No, not Dubya. Jesus Christ has shown up in a toilet at the Braehead store of the Swedish furniture giant. Embedded in the gents’ wooden toilet door at Braehead, a bearded face with long hair can be seen…

One shopper is quoted as saying: “It takes you by surprise. It is really clear in the wood. I was only heading to the toilet and found God. It’s certainly not what you expect to find in an Ikea store.” Indeed not. If the image starts bleeding, the Braehead store will become a mega pilgrimage site. Thousands of punters will be able to get a toilet blessing from Jesus as well as a self-assembly wardrobe…

Did I tell you about the Canadian who saw the face of Jesus in a burned fishcake? No, I can’t go on. I’m mildly hysterical already. Meanwhile, George W Bush is getting ready to walk on stage to talk about success.

The world isn’t going mad. It’s simply run by the inmates – and they’re already mad.

A US firm is offering $5,000 (£3,450) for clues leading to the arrest of an arsonist who has been setting portable toilets on fire across San Francisco.

The Clorox Company is also offering a year’s supply of toilet cleaning products in exchange for such tips.

More than two dozen toilets on San Francisco construction sites have been set on fire in the city in recent months, the Associated Press reports.

The cost of the damage has been estimated at $50,000.

The free cleaning products is a nice touch.

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Unrelated Link: What is it? (pictured above)

“Don’t Piss Here”

Poetry in the loo can cut down on paper use too, says a Japanese group campaigning to save toilet paper as part of the country’s battle against global warming. Simply pasting a “toilet poem” at the eye level of a person seated in the cubicle can help cut toilet paper use by up to 20 percent, a study by the research center Japan Toilet Labo showed.

“That paper will meet you only for a moment,” reads one poem. “Fold the paper over and over and over again,” says another. Or just: “Love the toilet.”

“We asked ourselves what we could do for the environment in the toilet?” said Ryusuke Nagahara of the Japan Toilet Labo. “The answer is to save toilet paper and save water.”

Toilet paper use in Japan has been increasing in recent years…because of a rise in the number of public toilets, where people tend to use more paper…”because it’s free,” said an official at the Kikaisuki Washi Rengokai. “At home, people are more inclined to scrimp.”

I’m OK with all of this – as long as people don’t start talking to the toilet paper.

Strolling along Beijing’s Chang’an Avenue in May, Kevin Born was drawn to an ancient Chinese-style building with delicate wooden carvings and wash paintings — only to find it was a public toilet.

Inside, he found a granite floor, remote-sensor flushing, automatic hand drier and piped music. He found it difficult to believe that only three years ago when he first came to China, answering nature’s call was an experience not for the faint-hearted.

“You had to take a deep breath and dash into the toilet. You held your breath and your head high, and never looked down. Then you’d dash out quickly for another gasp of fresh air. All within 30 seconds,” recalls Kevin, 30, an engineer from Germany…

Now, Beijing is flushed with pride that all the 5,333 public toilets, boasting standardized white male and female figure signs, are available within a five-minute walk of any downtown location.

Cripes! Reminds me of my first travels to Mediterranean shores, decades ago. The search for lodging on the cheap always included a requirement for what were called “English toilets”.