Colombian soldiers forced ‘drug smuggling’ Tory to eat coffee whitener

A Tory MP today revealed that he was forced to eat coffee whitener by Colombian soldiers who suspected him of drug smuggling.

Michael Fabricant, the MP for Lichfield and Burntwood, in Staffordshire, said he had been stopped by armed soldiers while on a trekking holiday in Colombia. The troops held him at gunpoint and forced him to eat his coffee whitener because they believed it to be cocaine.

“It took some explanation, as I don’t speak more than two or three words in Spanish, for them to accept it was Coffee Mate,” Fabricant – now safely back at Westminster – said.

“They didn’t want to taste it, as pure cocaine is fairly poisonous … so I had to eat several mouthfuls in front of them, with guns aimed at me, until they could see that it had no ill effect. Except afterwards I felt as sick as a dog.”

Tee hee. I went through the same trial with an immigration copper in Scotland. Except he thought I was carrying heroin in my backpack – instead of Woolite – so, he snorted some “just to check it out”. The silly git practically fell on the floor with soap bubbles coming out his ears.

His mates laughed at him so hard he got pissed off and stamped my passport requiring me to be out of the UK within 30 days.

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