Implanting A Microchip

THE PATRIOT MICRO CHIP is intended to be implanted in terrorists.

The implant is specifically designed to be installed in the forehead.

When properly installed it will allow the implantee to speak to God.

It comes in various sizes:

implant

The exact size of the implant will be selected by a well-trained and highly-skilled technician.

The implant may or may not be painless.

Side effects, like headaches and nausea, are temporary.

Some bleeding or swelling may occur at the injection site.

Please enjoy the security we provide for you.

Best regards,

marines

FOOTNOTE: Some of you who know of my opposition to the war in Iraq may be taken aback by this post. And that I support our effort in Afghanistan and Pakistan against al Qaeda and the Taliban. You should know that I’m neither a pacifist nor do I oppose all war, a rote response.

I grew up within the boundaries of World War 2. My family and my best friend fought as soldiers and guerillas against Fascism in many of the theatres of that war – and in the hills of Italy. I have always supported the just cause of wars of national liberation against colonial armies – against all the Western nations who took false pride in their control of foreign lands.

I respect the comradeship of arms. Some portion of that – from the time of Sun Tzu to the Marine Corp which turned away from official American racism – stands outside the dirty little world of politics. In that sense, I posted this from Hop.

If you’ve ever been a grunt you appreciate the humor.

– Eideard

Apple and Amazon defrauded by music gangsters

A group, including a number of DJs, have been accused of making hundreds of thousands of pounds by buying their own music online with stolen credit cards.

It’s alleged the gang put their own music on Apple iTunes and Amazon and spent about £459,000 buying it back – claiming nearly £200,000 in royalties.

Nine people were arrested in London and the Midlands after a joint operation with a new E-crime unit and the FBI.

The gang are alleged to have used 1,500 stolen credit cards.

Detective Chief Inspector Terry Wilson, from the Met’s Police Central E-Crime Unit (PCeU) said: “This has been a complex investigation to establish what we believe to be an international conspiracy to defraud Apple and Amazon.

The nine people arrested are being held on suspicion of conspiracy to commit fraud and money laundering.

I imagine their music sucked as badly as their ethics.

Laptop warmth (and more) may cause male infertility

While fatherhood might be far from the minds of most young men, behavior patterns they establish early on may impact their ability to become a dad later in life. Excessive laptop use tops this list of liabilities, according to one reproductive specialist at Loyola University Health System (LUHS).

“Laptops are becoming increasingly common among young men wired into to the latest technology,” said Suzanne Kavic, MD… “However, the heat generated from laptops can impact sperm production and development making it difficult to conceive down the road.”

Kavic recommends placing laptops on desktops to prevent damaging sperm and decreasing counts and motility. Other tips to protect male fertility include:

* Avoiding hot tubs

* Using boxers over briefs

* Refraining from ejaculating too frequently (the recommendation is to only engage in sexual intercourse every other day around ovulation)

* Avoiding exercise that can generate heat or trauma to the genital area

* Staying hydrated and limiting caffeine to no more than two cups per day

* Avoiding drugs and excessive alcohol use

RTFA to see all of her suggestions.

Just remember – follow all of them, who’d want to have children with someone as dull as you?

Prison inmate throws bar mitzvah with 60 guests behind bars

jailbirds

Tuvia Stern, a convicted fraudster, brought in his own caterer, kosher food and 60 guests for the six-hour party in the gym of the Manhattan Detention Complex.

In violation of prison policy, the caterer supplied diners with knives, and guests were allowed to keep their mobile phones.

The guest list reportedly included several prominent rabbis, a famous Orthodox Jewish singer and a band. Stern was allowed to wear his own clothes at the event.

Overtime pay for staff overseeing the event was met by the prison, which is nicknamed The Tombs…

Rabbi Leib Glanz, the prison chaplain who arranged the bar mitzvah, was suspended for two weeks…

The good Rabbi is also in trouble for letting Jewish prisoners use his office for gambling and sex parties. Phew!

Stern was accused in 1989 of swindling $1.7 million. He jumped bail and fled to Brazil with his wife and five children.

He was caught in 2006 while trying to enter Britain and returned to the US last year, where he was jailed for grand larceny and bail jumping.

Life as usual in New York City – the “capitol of the world”.

Looks like the city is trying to take the title of “capitol of the world’s corruption” away from Congress.

Poultry is our #1 source of food poisoning – followed by veggies

Poultry was the most commonly identified source of food poisoning in the United States in 2006, followed by leafy vegetables and fruits and nuts, according to a report released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention…

After a concerted campaign by the federal Department of Agriculture to improve the safety of chickens, the number of people sickened by contaminated poultry in 2006 declined compared with an average of the previous five years, according to C.D.C. researchers.

But problems persist. Most of the poultry-related illnesses, the centers found, were associated with Clostridium perfringens, a bacterium that commonly causes abdominal cramping and diarrhea usually within 10 to 12 hours after ingestion. The spores from this bacterium often survive cooking, so keeping poultry meat at temperatures low enough to prevent contamination during processing and storage is critical.

Researchers counted leafy vegetables, fungi, root vegetables, sprouts and vegetables from vines or stalks as separate categories. Caroline Smith DeWaal, director of food safety at the Center for Science in the Public Interest, an advocacy group, noted that if all of the produce categories were combined, outbreaks associated with vegetables would have far exceeded those in poultry…

While poultry is the most common source of illnesses among the 17 different foods tracked by federal officials, the C.D.C. found that two-thirds of all food-related illnesses traced to a lone ingredient were caused by viruses, which are often added to food by restaurant workers who fail to wash their hands. Such viruses often cause what many people refer to as a “stomach flu,” one to two days of nausea and vomiting that is unrelated to the flu virus.

Salmonella, the bacteria found in nationwide outbreaks of contaminated peanut butter, spinach and tomatoes, was the second-leading cause of sole-source food illnesses, the centers found.

Wonder if the Party of No will get off their rusty dusty and join in the legislation for food safety currently before Congress? Or will they maintain allegiance to their corporate masters.

No matter. The important task is – even though I think the U.S. does a better job than most other nations at safety through the food chain – let’s raise and codify better food standards while we have the chance.

Twitter helps Dell dribble in a sale here, a sale there…

Social media company Twitter is struggling to craft a profitable business model, but the Web-based service has helped Dell Inc chalk up millions of dollars in sales.

Dell said on it has raked in more than $3 million from Twitter followers who clicked through its posts to its Web sites to make purchases. The company, which has posted to Twitter about two years and tracks the sales with proprietary software, made more than $1 million in the past 6 months…

Three million in sales over two years is a pittance for Dell, ranked by IDC as the world’s second-largest PC maker in the first quarter of 2009. Dell posted $12.3 billion of revenue in the first quarter of this year, alone.

But the PC maker has become one of the first public examples of how companies might profit from Twitter.

Twitter does not charge companies for such benefits, but does not rule out doing so in the future.

“For now, monetization of this type of activity remains unknown,” Twitter spokeswoman Jenna Sampson said in a statement. “However, as the network grows, the company will be committing more resources toward profitability…”

Dell said it posts 6 to 10 times a week to its DellOutlet account, which is where the majority of Twitter-based sales have come from. Stephanie Nelson, who manages the account, said almost every post includes a coupon or a link to a sale, and about half of the posts are Twitter-exclusive deals…

Other non-media companies ranked in the Top 100 include Whole Foods Market Inc, Woot.com, Zappos.com, JetBlue Airways Corp.

Well, I guess it’s a reason not to find Twitter so bloody boring.

Prison inmate raped by guard – awarded $1.35 million damages

A female inmate who was raped by a sergeant at the Denver Women’s Correctional Facility was awarded more than $1.35 million by a federal judge on Wednesday in a civil lawsuit she had brought.

The judge, David M. Ebel of the United States Court of Appeals for the 10th Circuit, wrote that he set the damages high to try to discourage other guards from sexually assaulting inmates in Colorado prisons.

The inmate in the case said she had been repeatedly sexually assaulted by the corrections sergeant, LeShawn Terrell, beginning in 2006, but had been too terrified to report the assaults.

The ruling was sharply critical of the Denver District Attorney’s Office for allowing Mr. Terrell to plead guilty to a misdemeanor charge of unlawful sexual contact, for which he received a 60-day jail sentence and five years’ probation.

It’s called your basic slap on the wrist – for getting caught – and embarrassing the bureaucrats.