The greatest conspiracy ever created — extra-terrestrial reptoid invasion

Last November, the political fate of America was once again put to a vote. But for the millions of Americans who believe in lizard people, this vote had bigger implications — like thwarting an ongoing plot of world domination.

The idea of shape-shifting lizards taking human forms in a plot to rule America and the world has become one of the most majestic and marvelous conspiracy theories created by mankind (or lizardkind, if you will). In 2008, “lizard people” found its way onto the Minnesota’s midterm ballot with some controversy.

As pundits continue to extrapolate on what the Republican win in the midterms means for the country, there are people around this country who hope their votes did something crucial — kept the country safe from lizard people for the next few years…

What is a lizard person?

It’s just what it sounds like.

Lizard people are cold-blooded humanoid reptilians who have the power to shape-shift into human form. According to David Icke, a new-age philosopher and one of the most prominent theorists in the lizard people game, these creatures have had their claws in humankind since ancient time, and world leaders like Queen Elizabeth, George W. Bush, the Clintons, and Bob Hope are all lizard people…

How many Americans believe in lizard people?

Back in April of 2013, Public Policy Polling conducted a poll about conspiracy theories like aliens, an impostor Paul McCartney, and, of course, lizard people. And the polling organization found that 4 percent of Americans believe in lizard people, while another 7 percent were unsure. Taken to its absurd extreme, that would imply around 12 million Americans, Philip Bump, a lizard person scholar and writer at the Washington Post, found. (Public Policy Polling is a serious outlet, but it’s also known for some trolly polls, so these results have to be taken with a grain of salt.)

Keep in mind that this might not be counting all the people who, in their heart of hearts, believe that lizard people exist but are nervous that they will be found out if they publicly disclose their beliefs.

RTFA for more of this crap.

Of course these folks haven’t as much support as people who think the Earth is flat.

2 thoughts on “The greatest conspiracy ever created — extra-terrestrial reptoid invasion

  1. Footnote says:

    In 1983 TV audiences were entertained by a two-part miniseries titled “V”, which was based on the concept of aliens known as “The Visitors”, who beneath their human-like facade (they wear a thin, synthetic skin and human-like contact lenses in public), were actually carnivorous reptilian humanoids trying to take control of the earth. “V” reappeared in ’84 and ’85 and was later resurrected as a TV series that aired from November 3, 2009 to March 15, 2011.

  2. angrymanspeaks says:

    Well; I’m no scientist; just a simple country philosopher but it seems to me that whatever species these “Lizard People” are must be a pretty sub-standard race of critters.
    If they have been hiding among us since ancient times and haven’t been discovered (officially of course); that would at first seem to indicate some level of competence in their role.
    More to the point though; after all these millennia successfully hiding among us; living the dreary lives of humans(how crafty); they haven’t managed to conquer a world culture as obviously unstable as ours.
    They must not have much going for them.
    I think we should encourage them to come out of their “shell” and accept the help of our social support net because if these poor bastards can’t conquer Earth; they must be starving to death trying to hide here.
    Our own people can’t manage without help. How’s some Lizard Man going to manage? Running around; needing to eat what?
    Rats? Whole? Wouldn’t we notice; at least at the lunch counter?
    He can’t eat people or he wouldn’t be hiding from us. He’d be feasting on all the people too stupid to take heed.
    The more I think about it; the more confused I get.
    Wait a minute. So, if all our leaders are Lizard People they must eat money. That’s what being leaders; the 1%; Republicans has gotten or is ever likely to get them.
    I don’t know.
    That can’t be right.
    They must be eating something else. Something hard to find and expensive. That’s what they really need all the money for.
    It’s obvious they aren’t human. Lizards huh? Hmm. Can’t disprove it.

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