What will St. Jude do with the money they’re sitting on?

In July 2021, St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital announced to fanfare that it had just finished raising $2 billion in donations, a single-fiscal-year record for the nation’s largest health care charity. “Solving pediatric cancer is a global problem — a multi-trillion, multi-year problem,” Rick Shadyac, chief executive of St. Jude’s fundraising arm, told the Associated Press at the time. “The way we look at it is: If not St. Jude, then who?”

Financial disclosures newly released by St. Jude, however, show $886 million of the hospital’s record $2 billion-plus in revenues last fiscal year went unspent. Those surplus dollars instead flowed to the hospital’s reserve fund, which helped it grow to $7.6 billion by the end of June 2021. That’s enough money to run St. Jude’s 77-bed hospital in Memphis at last year’s levels for the next five years without a single additional donation…

“Donors all want to get the biggest bang for their buck,” said Ge Bai, a professor of accounting and health policy at Johns Hopkins University. “It’s time for St. Jude to respect donors’ preferences and stop hoarding. Effectively and sufficiently spending money on the core mission is the only way to deserve donors’ trust and sustain their generosity.”

In a statement, St. Jude said the large reserve was a prudent cushion against swings in the stock market as well as the economic uncertainties created by global crises like the war in Ukraine…

Folks, you have that money becaause it was handed over to help sick children. Not the paranoia of accountants.

Republican Governor thinks Math studies make students turn gay

Consider the wellspring of his ideology

Proposing a sweeping ban on math in Florida’s classrooms, Governor Ron DeSantis asserted that “the latest research” indicates that “math makes children gay.”

“For years, liberals in the education mafia have brainwashed Americans into thinking that our children should learn to add, subtract, multiply, and divide,” he told reporters. “We now know that numbers are a portal into a so-called alternative life style.”

“Children who learn how to count are more likely to pursue careers in fashion and Broadway musicals,” the Governor claimed. “Even worse, some of these musicals will be produced by Disney.”

DeSantis said that he was establishing a task force to determine how many of Florida’s schoolchildren may have been exposed to math in recent years…“Fortunately, thanks to the tireless efforts of our former Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos, those numbers are fairly low,” he said.

Borowitz is such a good writer, you have to believe at least for a few minutes the tale is true. Which is aided by the overwhelmingly backwards thinking of conservative like the dipshit governor.