Arsenal fan dislocates shoulder cursing at Spurs – gets injury payment – sort of!

Despite the fact that it’s usually like siphoning blood from the proverbial stone, an Arsenal fan from Norway has somehow managed to secure a wodge of compensation after injuring himself in the aftermath of Tottenham’s second goal in the North London derby back in early March.

When Aaron Lennon prodded in to send Tottenham 2-0 up over his beloved Gunners, Sverre Litleskare, 30, threw a tantrum while watching the game at home with his Spurs-supporting neighbour and popped a shoulder out of joint in the process…

He told Norwegian media: “I was screaming on the floor, I shouted that I was nauseous, had to vomit and that my shoulder was dislocated. While [my friend] got a bucket, I pulled the shoulder in place.”

Sensing an opportunity to make a bit of easy money from his misfortune, Litelskare then filed an insurance claim under the pretense that he’d sustained a “football-related injury.”

His insurance company unsurprisingly rejected the initial claim, but Litelskare then wrote to them again and protested that his injuries were not his fault — postulating that, as his dislocated shoulder was a result of “emotions”, it was to be deemed “out of his control”.

I know it was a silly complaint but I emphasized the free will aspect,” he told Norwegian media. “I had just read a book that argues against free will, so I decided that I would do it for fun.”

And, Hey Presto! The insurance company paid out.

The footie columnist confirms that the insurance company didn’t actually pay Sverre any “compensation” as such. They awarded him with a “writer’s fee” as they were so impressed by the philosophical protest letter he sent to them.

Har!

Thanks, Honeyman

Neo-Nazi with an illegal arsenal was stalking Black and Jewish community leaders

FBI agents recently warned community leaders in the Detroit area about a possible racist plot by a convicted felon and alleged neo-Nazi sympathizer who was arrested after he was discovered with an arsenal of assault rifles and other weapons, a law enforcement official tells NBC News.

“The FBI averted a catastrophe in this case, there’s no doubt about it,” Steven M. Dettelbach, the U.S. attorney in Cleveland, said in an interview.

New details about the case of Richard Schmidt, the owner of a sporting goods store in Bowling Green, Ohio, dramatically highlight what law enforcement officials say are major loopholes in the nation’s gun laws. Schmidt, 47, is a convicted felon who spent 13 years in Ohio state prison for a homicide after being convicted of killing a man and wounding two others in a shooting during a traffic stop, according to state prison records. Under federal law, Schmidt, who was released on parole in 2003, is barred from possessing any firearms.

Yet when FBI agents last December searched his home and store, they discovered a cache of 18 weapons that included AR-15 assault rifles, 9 mm Ruger and Sig Sauer pistols, shotguns, high-capacity magazines and more than 40,000 rounds of ammunition. Schmidt was originally reported to have been arrested on charges of trafficking in counterfeit goods, but was indicted last month on four federal charges —including possessing illegal weapons, body armor and ammunition…

Dettelbach, who is overseeing the case, said that federal agents have been unable to determine how and where Schmidt obtained his weapons, prompting officials to conclude he likely acquired them at gun shows or through private sales — where under federal law no background checks are required. .

“It’s scary,” he said about Schmidt’s arsenal of weapons. “It’s not … that I won’t say” where Schmidt got his guns. “It’s that sitting here today as a senior federal law enforcement official in northern Ohio, I can’t say.”

The investigation into Schmidt was conducted by a FBI Joint terrorism Task Force whose agents said they discovered he was tracking African American and Jewish leaders in the Detroit area. When agents conducted their search, they said they found evidence suggesting Schmidt harbored neo-Nazi sympathies, including a video of the 2005 national meeting of the National Socialist Movement — in which speakers wore black swastika arm bands and gave the Nazi “Sieg Heil” salute. “This is a war! This is a battle for our survival!” one speaker shouts on a video of the meeting obtained by NBC News. Other seized items, according to federal search warrants, included a list of national Jewish-owned businesses and paraphernalia from the “Waffen SS,” Adolph Hitler’s military force in Germany.

Two community leaders briefed on the case tell NBC News that agents also found a notebook in which Schmidt had listed the names, addresses and other personal information of Detroit area community leaders. Although Schmidt was already in custody, and remains in jail pending trial, the evidence in the notebook prompted agents to warn the leaders about what they had found.

RTFA for more details. The criminals culpable in this instance are Congress. Following the usual combination of cowardice and collaboration, our elected flunkies simply took the usual donation checks when the NRA instructed them to block any attempt to build a national registry of gun sales.

I don’t care what fictitious reasons are used to justify the corruption. The fact remains that regardless of local wingnuts and arms industry dollars, the fools in Washington are supposed to spend at least a modicum of time in the pursuit of happiness and safety for the whole country – not just profits for gun manufacturers.

Profanity-checking software labels Arsenal and Dickens offensive


Sock it to ’em, Howard!

Virgin TV have apologised after new profanity checking software starred out perfectly innocent TV and film titles for containing ‘inappropriate language’.

The new system, which automatically checks the Virgin TV programme guide, went into over-drive over the weekend with programmes such as the BBC Four show: The History of Canals showed up as ‘The History of Ca**ls’.

The censorship also spread to the Will Smith film ‘Hancock’ – which became ‘Hanc**k, the popular BBC Two show, ‘Never Mind the Buzzcocks’ – which showed up as ‘Never Mind the Buzzc**ks’ and even the middle of the name of London football club, ‘Arsenal’, was blocked out in a bid to remove inappropriate language from the TV menu.

Even in the description of a BBC Victoria comedy adventure, The Bleak Old Shop of Stuff, which is in the style of Charles Dickens, the famous author’s name was censored, appearing as ‘Charles D***ens’ on the menu…

The piece of software is understood to have now been fixed, allowing Virgin Media’s 3.8 million television customers to see the titles of all TV shows in full…

A Virgin Media statement said: “Over the weekend a temporarily over-zealous profanity checker took offence at certain programme titles.

The altered titles have been swiftly an*lysed and we’re fixing any remaining glitches.”

Har!

Arsenal rookies worthy of Wenger’s pride


Carlos Vela and Jay Simpson celebrate
Daylife/Reuters Pictures

Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger lavished praise on his gifted youngsters after they turned on the style to beat Wigan 3-0 in the Carling Cup.

“From the first to the last minute we looked really up for it. We had a relentless go. In the end it was a fantastic win.”

The margin of victory would have been greater but for an outstanding display by Wigan keeper Chris Kirkland.

“Under pressure they remain extremely calm and play always very good football. What they do on the pitch is not a coincidence, it is quality…

“They love it. When you are 17 and 18 and playing in front of 60,000 people, are you inhibited or do you play better? They have chosen the second solution because they have character.”

Wigan boss Steve Bruce was also glowing in his praise of Arsenal’s youngsters.

He said: “They were frightening on the night. The age of them. Arsene says it is the best crop of youngsters he’s had and when you think of the young players they have had in the past, that is some compliment.”

Thought I’d mention this in passing. [Har!] It was a pretty impressive match.

I can’t remember the last time I saw so many talented young players in one place, once time – one team. The match just flew by.