Nutball claims LHC is Stargate – and the invasion of Earth less than 3 weeks away

This is NOT the Large Hadron Collider and the scientific staff of CERN

Bad news, citizens of Earth: those evil physicists at CERN are once again hellbent on vaporizing the Earth and ending the universe as we know it as the Large Hadron Collider ramps up to unprecedented energies. That’s according to Lonnie Robinson, intrepid correspondent/prophet of doom for The Daily Reporter in Coldwater, Michigan, who sees the signs of our imminent destruction everywhere he looks (including The Simpsons). He even pegs the specific day on which we can probably expect global annihilation: September 24, 2015.

The good news: Lonnie Robinson is full of shit.

Seriously, I am baffled that this article ever found its way into The Daily Reporter. At first I thought it had to be The Onion or a similar satirical site, but no — it’s an actual newspaper. Were the editors asleep at the wheel?…

..These are words that Robinson actually wrote, and presumably some editor at The Daily Reporter approved: “Two of the major goals for CERN is to collapse and break apart the God Particle that creates and maintains our physical world and to tear a hole through the veil that is the barrier protecting our physical universe from the unknown, non-physical universes and other non-physical dimensions believed to be located outside our physical universe…. CERN destroys matter, and everything in our universe is matter. Destroying physical matter eliminates the restrictions and barriers produced by physical matter that keeps us from entering the non-physical universes around us.”

There is so much wrong in that short excerpt, it’s not even worth debunking. This is the full-on crazy mode of the hardcore conspiracy theorist, made crystal clear by this little gem:

“CERN is being used as a stargate, so that human scientists will be able to go to and from currently unknown, perhaps very hostile, non-physical worlds and dimensions located and currently unseen, outside our physical universe.”…

…Note to Robinson: The Stargate franchise is not a documentary. And neither was Interstellar.

Robinson may be serious. I think it more likely the article was produced as clickbait for a smalltown newspaper with nothing else to do to pass the time. Who knows? By the 24th they may have acquired a sponsor or two, someone selling gold for Ron Paul?

Wonder how damned dumb people are? 1 in 7 thinks the world will end in their lifetime. 1 in 10 thinks it ends this year!


Nearly 15 percent of people worldwide believe the world will end during their lifetime and 10 percent think the Mayan calendar could signify it will happen in 2012, according to a new poll…

“Whether they think it will come to an end through the hands of God, or a natural disaster or a political event, whatever the reason, one in seven thinks the end of the world is coming,” said Keren Gottfried, research manager at Ipsos Global Public Affairs which conducted the poll for Reuters.

Responses to the international poll of 16,262 people in more than 20 countries varied widely with only six percent of French residents believing in an impending Armageddon in their lifetime, compared to 22 percent in Turkey and the United States and slightly less in South Africa and Argentina…

About one in 10 people globally also said they were experiencing fear or anxiety about the impending end of the world in 2012. The greatest numbers were in Russia and Poland, the fewest in Great Britain.

Gottfried also said that people with lower education or household income levels, as well as those under 35 years old, were more likely to believe in an apocalypse during their lifetime or in 2012, or have anxiety over the prospect.

RTFA for a list of countries polled. I don’t need to know which religions had the lead in apocalyptic paranoia. I still have problems dealing with the fact that these people get to vote.

Our favorite Christian says the world is ending, Friday. Again.

“I switched back to Windows, this time!”

When the California Christian group known as Family Radio predicted the beginning of the end of the world as we know it back in the spring (not for the first time), Harold Camping and his followers splashed dire warnings on billboards around the globe.

But then nothing happened on May 21. There was no rapture and true believers weren’t swept to heaven while everyone else was left waiting to be consumed in the total destruction of Earth by Oct. 21.

Despite that setback, the California-based group is still looking on Friday as a day of reckoning, even if its predictions have been toned down.

There aren’t any billboards this time, and the 90-year-old Camping has shifted from definitive language to adding the word “probably” to his vocabulary.

So, if history repeats itself, the world will be just fine on Saturday. In fact, one observer expects Family Radio, which describes itself as a “non-profit, non-commercial Christian radio network,” will keep sending out its signals, too.

I doubt that Camping’s followers will experience sufficient frustration over his latest klutzup to stop sending in their hard-earned money. One thing that’s consistent about True Believers is that repeated failure does not constitute contradiction.

Like most nutball evangelicals, Harold will continue to roll in the cabbage.

Thanks, Cinaedh

Tired of fundamentalist fear-mongering? Have a Rapture Party!

US atheists are to hold parties in response to an evangelical broadcaster’s prediction that Saturday will be “judgement day”.

The Rapture After Party in North Carolina – “the best damned party in NC” – is among the planned events.

Harold Camping, 89, predicts that Jesus Christ will return to earth on Saturday and true believers will be swept up, or “raptured”, to heaven…Mr Camping has predicted an apocalypse once before, in 1994, though followers now say that only referred to an intermediary stage…

The Rapture After Party in Fayetteville, North Carolina, is a two-day event organised by the Central North Carolina Atheists and Humanists.

“Though the absurdity of this claim is obvious to the majority of the world, it’s a great opportunity to highlight some of the most bizarre beliefs often put forth by religious fundamentalists and raise awareness of the need for reason,” said a posting about the party on the group’s website.

Atheists in Tacoma, Washington, have headed their celebration “countdown to back-pedalling”.

Events are also planned in Houston, Florida and California.

Invite a few politicians. You won’t have to spend any money on them because guaranteed they won’t show up to something irreligious – even if it’s just laughing at a noodnik like Harold Camping. Besides – he has the millions he’s scooped up from True Believers to keep him comfy.

Playing the Armageddon card to boost circulation

Dear editor,

Regarding your front-page story in the Sunday, February 22, edition of the Sun: “Is Bible Saying the End is Near?


Oh, don’t get me wrong, the story was fine. What’s appalling is your editorial decision to place it above the fold on the front page. What’s next? Eyewitness accounts of UFOs, personal tales of alien abduction or an expose on the predictions of Nostradamus?

Had you chosen to place this story as a feature in either the religion or local sections of the paper, you would have heard no complaint from me. But the front page is for NEWS. Real, hard, research-driven, fact-filled Who-What-Where-When-Why-How journalism.

You should be ashamed of yourselves, but I doubt you are.

It wasn’t a slow news day: With the economy in shambles, our soldiers fighting in two wars, a newly inaugurated president breaking ground in any number of ways, new taxes and spending cuts coming down from Sacramento… There were fifty good stories you could have presented on the front page of your newspaper. But you didn’t.

Shame on you. Shame on you for showing such poor editorial judgment and for trying to exploit your readers’ fears during hard times in a cheesy maneuver to boost circulation. If the San Bernardino County Sun goes belly-up like so many other papers around the country are, don’t blame the internet or bad economy, blame yourselves.

Mark Parker
Banning, CA

Mark has many interesting thoughts fruiting on the vine of his blog. This is a favorite. Take a look around.

UPDATE: Mark received an email apology from the editor of the newspaper:

You’re right. We should not have run that story as the lead in Sunday’s
paper. We’ll do better. Thank you for speaking your mind about it.