Missed by only that much…

Prosecutors plan to look at the case of a Detroit-area man who accidentally shot himself in the groin while adjusting a handgun tucked in his pants…

The unidentified Southfield, Mich., man was working for an heating and air-conditioning company at a job site in Birmingham this week when his .40-caliber Glock pistol went off accidentally.

Deputy Police Chief Mark Clemence told the Detroit Free Press the worker had a permit for the weapon, but the city prosecutor was going to review the matter.

Despite the possibility of criminal charges, Clemence told the newspaper the outcome could have been worse for the victim, who was taken to the hospital by a co-worker.

“Your femoral artery runs down there,” Clemence said. “It could have been a lot worse. It’s a big bullet; you’re not talking a small bullet.”

Yes, there are a few other bits and pieces he may have managed to lop off, as well. The bullet went through his penis and lodged in his thigh – according to other sources. 🙂

Dumb crook of the day

What appears to be French customs officers catching a smuggler with hummingbirds in his pants!

In 2010, French customs officers at the Rochambeau airport in Cayenne, French Guiana after noticing some suspicious bulges, conducted an intimate pat-down of a Dutch tourist and found some tiny parcels in some very personal space.

The tale and photos are making the round and finchwench has interesting commentary about why and more…

Best comment I’ve seen is about “lots of little peckers in that photo”. Har.

Thanks, Ursarodina

Are you glad to see me or is that a snake in your pants?

The critters were wrapped in pantyhose

Never mind ants in your pants, what about snakes and tortoises?

That’s what authorities at Miami’s international airport said they found inside the trousers of a passenger as he tried to board a flight for Brazil.

The U.S. Transportation Security Administration said the man had seven exotic snakes and three tortoises wrapped in nylon bags that had been stuffed into his pants.

He was discovered as he went through a body scanner at one of the airport’s security checkpoints on Thursday and arrested by U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service officials for violating animal trafficking laws.

I hope they checked the reptiles for radiation exposure. 🙂

Dumb crook of the day

Maybe this is who he was trying to impress?

A suspected thief was taken into custody after allegedly trying to conceal a stolen chainsaw by stuffing it down his pants as one would a candy bar, according to local news reports.

Police say 21-year old Anthony Black was eyeing an Echo chainsaw, but decided that a grab and dash wasn’t in the cards. The man, who police say appeared intoxicated, took the mechanical saw from the wall and put it down the front of his pants instead, according to NBC affiliate KSHB.

While some employees initially thought Black — who by this point was walking with a noticeable waddle — was handicapped, others were suspicious…

“This is a little unique, simply because of how large the item was,” Chickasha Police Assistant Chief Elip Moore explained…

A limping Black was eventually chased from the store, ditching the chainsaw in the process.

A short pursuit ensued, with the suspected thief diving headfirst into a creek, police say. Authorities fished Black from the shallow water, placing him under arrest.

Too bad it didn’t have an electric starter. Could have been startling.

Dumb crook of the day!

A slippery character

Seventy-five bottles of body lotion stuffed down his pants did not help Chamil Guadarrama make a slick getaway.

Guadarrama, 30, of Framingham, was arrested Wednesday night on a charge of shoplifting more than $250 from Bath & Body Works in the Eastfield Mall, said Sgt. John M. Delaney, aide to Police Commissioner William J. Fitchet.

When he was apprehended by mall security officers Jane Colon and Jeff Lawlor and held for police after a brief foot chase, Guadarrama was found with 75 8-ounce glass bottles of lotion stuffed into his pants, Delaney said.

“They could not fit Mr. Guadarrama into the cruiser because his pants were bursting at the seams and he could not bend over,” Delaney said.

He said Guadarrama was wearing ordinary trousers but had string tied around each ankle to keep the bottles from slipping out…

A clerk at the store spotted Guadarrama slipping bottles of lotion through his zipper, and alerted security, Delaney said. Colon asked him to stop, but Guadarrama tried to run, he said.

Given the sheer volume of merchandise down his pants – the equivalent of nearly 5 gallons – the 5-foot, 10-inch, 210-pound Guadarrama did not exactly tear through the mall with a sprinter’s speed…

Guadarrama pleaded innocent at his district court arraignment Thursday. He was released on his own recognizance and ordered to return to court on March 19.

I’m getting tired of the automatic “Not Guilty” pleas. Can’t we institute a system where crooks like this ditz can plead guilty and get better TV in their cells or something – for not wasting taxpayer money and court time?

Pigeons – and more – found down traveller’s trousers

Daylife/Reuters Pictures

An Australian traveller was caught with two live pigeons stuffed in his trousers as he returned from a trip to the Middle East, customs officials said today.

The 23-year-old man was searched after authorities discovered two eggs in a vitamin container in his luggage, said Richard Janeczko, the national investigations manager for the customs service.

They found the pigeons wrapped in padded envelopes and strapped to each of the man’s legs with a pair of tights. Officials also seized seeds in his money belt and an undeclared eggplant.


Are you glad to see me – or is that cocaine in your bulge?

Photo only used for illustration purposes – This is NOT Ralph Belmont

A Maine man was arrested on the Fourth of July after he was found with a one-pound bag of cocaine hidden in his underwear. Trooper John Hennessey of Troop A stopped a 1997 Ford Taurus for a motor vehicle violation on Interstate 95 north in Hampton. Hennessey and Trooper Steve Cooper reported conducting a roadside investigation after determining the driver and passenger were overly nervous. Hennessey was given a written consent to search the vehicle by the driver who was not the registered owner.

According to Hennessey, during the investigation he observed a large, obvious bulge in the groin area of the passenger’s pants. Hennessey attempted to ascertain the contents of the bulge and said Belmont refused to cooperate and had to be physically restrained. Hennessey requested assistance from State Trooper Gary Ingham and his narcotics-certified K-9. Police said the K-9 gave a positive alert on Belmont’s passenger seat. Hennessey detained Belmont and applied for a search warrant to search his clothing and body. The warrant was authorized and Belmont was searched at the Seabrook Police Department.

Hennessey allegedly seized approximately one pound of cocaine in a clear Ziploc plastic bag hidden in Belmont’s underwear.

Uh, OK.

What did the dude think he was going to achieve by stalling? Did he think the drugs in his jock were going to disappear?