International Women’s Day saw U.S. Women’s Soccer Team file landmark lawsuit

Alex Morgan

❝ While some sporting brands used International Women’s Day to launch their Women’s World Cup team kits, lawyers representing the world-champion U.S. team were on their way to a California courthouse to file a landmark lawsuit that would rock the sport.

Instructed by the 28 members of the women’s national team, they filed a suit accusing the U.S. Soccer Federation of gender discrimination, alleging that it pays them less than their male counterparts…

“They sacrifice their whole lives to play for their country, they’re together and play more games than the men’s team and they’ve been more successful,” Ireland striker Stephanie Roche told Reuters.

“They are more like a club team in some ways, they play that many games. I think they have proven that they are equal, they have brought success and therefore have every right to demand equality,” she added…

Winners of four Olympic gold medals and three of the seven World Cups that have been held to date, the U.S. women’s team are ranked first in the world and have never been lower than second, while the American men are currently 25th.

Keep on rocking in the Free World!

Army unit cancels ban on “rubbing, humping, grinding” for sexual gratification

❝ For nine harrowing days, one Grafenwöhr, Germany-based Army unit was barred from engaging in a laundry list of sexual acts and forms of physical contact, all in the name of vehicle and equipment upkeep…

❝ “Effective immediately, personnel are prohibited from engaging in sexual intercourse, acts that are sexual in nature, or acts that are done with the intent to sexually gratify any person in the Grafenwoehr Training Area,” according to the memo, which specified “agricultural cleaning and preparing our vehicles, equipment, and personnel to return to Fort Hood, Texas” as the reason for the coitus crackdown…

❝ It remains unclear whether this was a problem before. Could this battalion — the identity of which was redacted in the memo — have so severely neglected basic duties in favor of sexual escapades that a 17th century Quaker abstinence policy was warranted?

And why are other sex-having service members around the world perfectly capable of performing these bare essentials?

No doubt, having sex with anything from mules to motor vehicles would have been acceptable once they returned to Texas.

When English isn’t your first language…

A dealership in Rochester, NY had a brand-new, German-built Volkswagen arrive for its pre-sales inspection, and with it came a little message. A message that wasn’t exactly grammatically correct, but the meaning behind it was unmistakable. The message? “Welcome Fuck of USA.”

I’m pretty sure the message-enterer wanted to say “Fuck off USA” instead of “Fuck of USA,” but I think we get the gist either way…I’m pretty sure this message will be changed before any potential customers get a chance to even look at the car.

Unless it’s not the only one.

Har.